Volume 25

ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Begins Construction on New Housing Crisis

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“Don’t worry, these dorms are also filled with asbestos,” said Jhaveri after describing the new student housing development on top of Tenaya Hall.Photo by Jack Yang …

Briefs

UCSD Happy With Giving Day, Will Implement UCSD Taking Day

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UCSD Happy With Giving Day, Will Implement UCSD Taking Day After declaring the first annual UCSD Giving Day a success, administrators are implementing a new event …

Briefs

Study Finds Microwave in Break Room Dripping in Chili

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Study Finds Microwave in Break Room Dripping in Chili Early this morning the communal microwave in the Scripps Medical Laboratory break room was found to be …

ArticlesLocalNews

Local Glass-Breaking Business is a “Smashing Success”

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In response to concerns over possible injuries from broken glass, the store owners reassured customers that “there is nothing to worry about. We have a waiver …

Briefs

UCSD Junior Ready for Farewell Tour

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UCSD Junior Ready for Farewell Tour Local third-year student Dave Gracey has reportedly been found “preparing for his farewell tour.” “It’s this stupid thing he’s planning …

Briefs

Area Woman Named Summer Prepared for Three Months of Dad Jokes

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Area Woman Named Summer Prepared for Three Months of Dad Jokes Local graduating UCSD senior Summer Irvine is reportedly preparing for a new season of jokes …

ArticlesNewsPoliticsUncategorized

RNC to Propose Monthly Virginity Tests for Women

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McDaniel told reporters, “It takes a village to raise a child, and luckily my uterus is owned by our great village of the US of A!”Photo …

BriefsUncategorized

Area Man Eagerly Awaits New Album From Retired Band

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Area Man Eagerly Awaits New Album From Retired Band San Diego local Alex Peartlee has expressed excitement for the next studio album by the Canadian rock …

ArticlesNewsPolitics

Bernie Sanders Expected to be Crucified and Resurrected in First Democratic Primary Debate

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After three days, polling showed that Bernie Sanders’ popularity rose again.Photo by Jessica Ma As the first Democratic primary debate of the 2020 election season approaches, …

Briefs

Sigma Chi Throws Party on Sinking Ship

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Sigma Chi Throws Party on Sinking Ship Despite an inspection that revealed that the hull is rapidly filling with water, the Iota Chi chapter of Sigma …