Local Glass-Breaking Business is a “Smashing Success”


Written by: Matthew Miltimore

In response to concerns over possible injuries from broken glass, the store owners reassured customers that “there is nothing to worry about. We have a waiver for that.”
Photo by Hannah Lykins

While most haberdasheries focus on providing their customers with men’s clothing and men’s clothing accessories, the “Crash Haberdashery and Have-A-Smashery” from Solana Beach has embraced the needs of a new generation and provides customers with something more practical: a chance to “break some shit.”

Owned and operated by George and Kevin Mc- Schmidtlebop, two brothers and San Diego natives, “The Crash” provides an opportunity for a cathartic release of “all those pent-up emotions you’ve been suppressing.” For $20, the McScmidtlebop brothers will provide participants with a metal bat, catcher’s gear, some eye protection, and five minutes in a room full of glass breakables. “Lots of folks just want to do some smashing,” said Kevin Mc-Schmidtlebop, “That doesn’t mean they’re bad folks. Let them smash, I say.”

The McShmidtlebops have stood by those words, allowing residents of Solana Beach to enjoy a real romp in their store. “You know, I was really upset that my boss gutted the dental plan,” remarked Tristan Gallergor, a frequent customer at The Crash, “and I was even more upset when he promoted his nephew instead of me, but at least I can come here and really demolish some stained-glass windows.”

While the Crash’s new business model has made the store extremely successful, it marks a sharp turn away from the work done by the haberdashery for the past 30 years. “When we opened the store up all those years ago, there was a real market for small items related to sewing,” George commented. “I mean, we were selling buttons by the barrel-load, but the market changes. And so us haberdashers must haber-adapt.” Now, the brothers remain fully committed to their glass-breaking service. Every morning the brothers wake up early and do their rounds to local thrift stores and second-hand shops, picking up any glass they can find before their shop opens in the early afternoon, when “smashing time” begins and continues until 9 p.m. sharp. Kevin admitted that “it can be a hard day’s work, but if I’m ever too worn out I just blow off some steam on the glass jars we got a few days ago.”

Sources say the Crash Haberdashery and Have- A-Smashery has become increasingly popular, as people reportedly have lined up around the block to get a few minutes to “tap into their ever-growing lust for primal carnage.” There is only so much glass in Solana Beach, so tourists need to visit the McSchmidtlebop brothers before they break it all.

Staff Writer at The MQ

Flattened in a distro cart accident, the MQ replaced his bones with leftover printer ink. With his increased lank, Matt has become a pivotal writer for the MQ through his fluidity. Whether demonstrated through his mastery of satire or being used as a keycard when we lock ourselves out of the office, Matt is a key asset to the writing team.

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