Volume 25 Issue 7

ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Begins Construction on New Housing Crisis

Written by: Summer Davis

“Don’t worry, these dorms are also filled with asbestos,” said Jhaveri after describing the new student housing development on top of Tenaya Hall.Photo by Jack Yang …

Briefs

UCSD Happy With Giving Day, Will Implement UCSD Taking Day

Written by: Andrew Sitko

UCSD Happy With Giving Day, Will Implement UCSD Taking Day After declaring the first annual UCSD Giving Day a success, administrators are implementing a new event …

Briefs

Study Finds Microwave in Break Room Dripping in Chili

Written by: Sage Cristal

Study Finds Microwave in Break Room Dripping in Chili Early this morning the communal microwave in the Scripps Medical Laboratory break room was found to be …

ArticlesLocalNews

Local Glass-Breaking Business is a “Smashing Success”

Written by: Matthew Miltimore

In response to concerns over possible injuries from broken glass, the store owners reassured customers that “there is nothing to worry about. We have a waiver …

Briefs

UCSD Junior Ready for Farewell Tour

Written by: MQ Trophy Husband

UCSD Junior Ready for Farewell Tour Local third-year student Dave Gracey has reportedly been found “preparing for his farewell tour.” “It’s this stupid thing he’s planning …

Briefs

Area Woman Named Summer Prepared for Three Months of Dad Jokes

Written by: Summer Davis

Area Woman Named Summer Prepared for Three Months of Dad Jokes Local graduating UCSD senior Summer Irvine is reportedly preparing for a new season of jokes …

ArticlesNewsPoliticsUncategorized

RNC to Propose Monthly Virginity Tests for Women

Written by: Steven Zhou

McDaniel told reporters, “It takes a village to raise a child, and luckily my uterus is owned by our great village of the US of A!”Photo …

BriefsUncategorized

Area Man Eagerly Awaits New Album From Retired Band

Written by: Chris Jin

Area Man Eagerly Awaits New Album From Retired Band San Diego local Alex Peartlee has expressed excitement for the next studio album by the Canadian rock …

ArticlesNewsPolitics

Bernie Sanders Expected to be Crucified and Resurrected in First Democratic Primary Debate

Written by: Sage Cristal

After three days, polling showed that Bernie Sanders’ popularity rose again.Photo by Jessica Ma As the first Democratic primary debate of the 2020 election season approaches, …

Briefs

Sigma Chi Throws Party on Sinking Ship

Written by: Matthew Miltimore

Sigma Chi Throws Party on Sinking Ship Despite an inspection that revealed that the hull is rapidly filling with water, the Iota Chi chapter of Sigma …