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ArticlesCampusNews

UCSD Begins Construction on New Housing Crisis

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“Don’t worry, these dorms are also filled with asbestos,” said Jhaveri after describing the new student housing development on top of Tenaya Hall.Photo by Jack Yang …

Briefs

UCSD Happy With Giving Day, Will Implement UCSD Taking Day

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UCSD Happy With Giving Day, Will Implement UCSD Taking Day After declaring the first annual UCSD Giving Day a success, administrators are implementing a new event …

Briefs

Study Finds Microwave in Break Room Dripping in Chili

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Study Finds Microwave in Break Room Dripping in Chili Early this morning the communal microwave in the Scripps Medical Laboratory break room was found to be …

ArticlesLocalNews

Local Glass-Breaking Business is a “Smashing Success”

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In response to concerns over possible injuries from broken glass, the store owners reassured customers that “there is nothing to worry about. We have a waiver …

ArticlesCampusNewsUncategorized

Study Finds Increased Alcohol Consumption Correlated with Higher GPA

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Luna reportedly tries to keep his blood alcohol levels at the same number as his GPA. Photo by: Jack Yang College students who engage in alcohol …

ArticlesCampusNews

UC Chancellors Appoint Themselves as Permanent Commencement Speakers

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On the topic of how the graduates will succeed in life, Khosla said, “You will not make it on a boat, you will not make it …

Briefs

UCSD Junior Ready for Farewell Tour

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UCSD Junior Ready for Farewell Tour Local third-year student Dave Gracey has reportedly been found “preparing for his farewell tour.” “It’s this stupid thing he’s planning …

Briefs

Area Woman Named Summer Prepared for Three Months of Dad Jokes

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Area Woman Named Summer Prepared for Three Months of Dad Jokes Local graduating UCSD senior Summer Irvine is reportedly preparing for a new season of jokes …

ArticlesNewsPoliticsUncategorized

RNC to Propose Monthly Virginity Tests for Women

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McDaniel told reporters, “It takes a village to raise a child, and luckily my uterus is owned by our great village of the US of A!”Photo …

BriefsUncategorized

Area Man Eagerly Awaits New Album From Retired Band

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Area Man Eagerly Awaits New Album From Retired Band San Diego local Alex Peartlee has expressed excitement for the next studio album by the Canadian rock …