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On-Campus Housing Regresses to Phase Zero
“There’s a COVID detection system for outgoing water, but none for incoming water. Better safe than sorry!” said the Housing Director.Photo by Sharon Roth Yesterday morning, …
Being A Raccoon is Harder Than You Think
Trust me, I’ve been there. I was once like you: happy and free, eating warm, full meals with my forks and knives. You stupid, stupid students, …
Aides Refuse to Reveal Secret to Queen’s Long Life as 70th Year of Rule Approaches
The Church of England will now accept small children as tithe.Photo by Maria Dhilla As Queen Elizabeth II approaches her 70th year of rule, the Commonwealth …
Psych Student Develops Cure for Déjà Vu
Rats treated with Don’tjà Vu were eight times more likely to double-check that the stove was off before leaving the cage.Photo by Robin Brewin Last month, Don’tjà …
Top Ten Songs from Musk the Musical
Top Ten Songs from Musk the Musical It’s A-Me! Wario! Hyperloop to Hell SpaceX Oddity Do You Wanna Build A Tesla? Careful Whisper (I’m Trying to …
Some Rocks Don’t Brush Their Teeth
They take their dental health for granite
Tennis Novice Wins First Game
Is thrust into the limelight
Top Ten Reasons Why Clifford Got So Big
10. Insane selective breeding9. Vitamin overdose8. He was bitten by a radioactive Great Dane7. Inflation in the US over the last decade6. Pushing all the sliders …
I Only Make the Class Discords Because Everyone Else Has a God Complex and That’s Why You Should Thank Me
By J. H. SavyeurShepard of the Flock Have you ever been in a lecture and you see that Discord link plunged into chat in the first …
Thespians Claim COVID Immunity As They Are “Really Good At Pretending They Don’t Have It”
“The only jab I’ll get is behind the curtain,” said the actor playing Polonius.Photo by Sharon Roth Last December, the Actors Association of America (AAA) released a …
