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Frat Houses Campaign to Have New COVID-19 Strains Named After Them
“We’re still getting noise complaints, but now it’s only because of all the coughing,” bragged Jason.Image by Sharon Roth As the nation sees more and more …
Escaped Lab Mouse Takes up Residence in Seventh College Elevator
Escaped Lab Mouse Takes up Residence in Seventh College Elevator Last Friday, first-year Seventh College student Christopher Crumbs reported seeing a mouse on one of the …
Groundbreaking Study Finds Average New Year’s Resolution Is Only Kept for 25 Minutes
“New hour, new me,” said Debilis.Photo by Jack Yang The National Academy of Sciences recently published a study showing that the average New Year’s resolution is …
Top Ten Items We Found in the Fridge After Returning from Winter Break
10. Another, smaller fridge9. Our dead wife8. A cup of drug-free pee7. Laika’s exploded remains6. Our roommate who hid there all break to get the $650 …
The War on Lawn Decor Intensifies, Tragedies in Gnome Man’s Land
Mr. and Mrs. Jennings’ front yard is a scene of devastation after the most recent battle in the war on lawn decor. The ensuing skirmish resulted …
Top Ten Uncommon Hazards to your Health
Top Ten Uncommon Hazards to your Health FNAF lore Week 10 midterms Deodorant Expired Brita filter water Items branded for women that have no reason to …
UCSD Announces Virtual Classes To Be Held in the Metaverse
“Many of you have asked about a grading curve,” said one professor. “Well let me introduce you to a product that keeps YOURcurves in top condition.”Photo …
Unrecorded UCSD Lecture Now Considered Lost Media
Unrecorded UCSD Lecture Now Considered Lost Media This past Friday, a small group of students claimed to see a lecture that has no digital recording or …
Okay, Fine, I Still Haven’t Seen Squid Game
Can you keep a secret? Swear it. Swear on your life. I don’t think I can hide it any longer. It’s been trapped inside of me, …
