November 1, 2023 Read it and weep profusely. Volume XXX Issue II

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

Escaped Lab Mouse Takes up Residence in Seventh College Elevator

Last Friday, first-year Seventh College student Christopher Crumbs reported seeing a mouse on one of the tower elevators. “He was like, tiny, and white, and he was just chilling in the corner. He seemed comfy and not full of rabies, so I just tossed him an M&M from my trail mix and he seemed pretty happy with it. I decided to name him Bertrand,” said Crumbs. 

An interview with the mouse revealed that he has been sustaining himself on food left in the tower elevator, such as cookies, stale chips, and the last few drops of abandoned Bang Energy cans. After escaping from the lab in which he was used to test chemicals, he has found the Seventh elevators to be “a pretty sweet deal.” Bertrand claimed that he is generally treated well by the custodial staff since he helps to clean the elevators. He also wanted to include a message to the Seventh College students thanking them for “being such slobs” and leaving behind the scraps of their snacks.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *