“We’re still getting noise complaints, but now it’s only because of all the coughing,” bragged Jason.
Image by Sharon Roth
As the nation sees more and more strains of COVID-19 splattered across the news pages, America’s beloved college experience staple, fraternity organizations, have been campaigning to have new strains of COVID-19 named after them. Taking to Instagram, Twitter, and even Reddit, more than 100 chapters of different organizations seek to claim the next viral illness.
Many of the Greek organizations point to the similarities between them and the infectious viral strains, namely their Hellenic name schemes, national popularity, and ability to infect millions with neverbefore-seen, debilitating, and potentially deadly symptoms.
A popular Tweet from @alphagammaomegbruh reads, “okay but how sick would it be if they named the next season of covid after a frat?? specifically alpha gamma omega lets goooooo.”
One chapter of another fraternity organization, Delta Zeta Mu, has had several members claim to have discovered a new COVID variant. Jason, a member of the UC Santa Barbara chapter from which these claims originated, gave a statement to the masses via the r/UCSB subreddit. His post, entitled “delta zeta mu is sickkkkkk,” contained the following viral portion, which has been copied and pasted to various sites and accounts on the internet.
“Yo. So we all know the party last friday at D-Mu was sick. Like the amount of empty kegs littering the beach afterwards was totally insane. I’d like to give a big shoutout to the babes that came, specifically Linda and Ruby, y’all were the life of the party your welcome at D-Mu anytime. Anyway, I have big news. Y’all who were there at the rager know. But for those of you who didn’t have the blessing of hanging out with us last friday, everyone who was at that party is craaazy sick now. In the cool way, obviously. But also in the icky way. My good bro Roger couldn’t get out of bed the next day. His eyes were suuuper sensitive, like he said the light was a godless offender and had to put on his sick shades to go use the restroom. And me, I woke up with an honest to god migraine. It went away after I popped an aspirin, but it got me thinking. You know when else I had a migraine like that? It was after I got my covid shot (of course your boy is vaxxed, can’t let anything get in the way of my party grind). So with all these Omicron and Delta and Gamma and Theta strains going around, I think D-Mu has found the newest. Because I mean everyone is sick. Like stay in bed and skip your 8am’s sick.”
“So for any of you out there currently suffering from headaches, achy muscles, intense thirst ;), being sooo tired, and or hella light sensitivity, congrats! You caught the Delta Zeta Mu COVIDDDDDD!!”
While this post has made its way through the feeds of millions on social media, it is not yet clear whether the CDC will decide to declare new COVID variants originating from America’s fraternities, or to simply remind their members of the symptoms of a hangover.
