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Can you keep a secret? Swear it. Swear on your life. I don’t think I can hide it any longer. It’s been trapped inside of me, I’ve been pressured, silenced by people who just can’t understand. But I won’t stand for it any more. I’m ready to admit it.
I still haven’t seen Squid Game.
I’m sorry, okay? Do you think I don’t want to be a part of a cultural phenomenon? Do you think I’m above it all, high upon my pedestal of ignorance, looking down on you because I’m not swayed by the petty concerns of the populace? Okay, so it may be a bit of that. And sure, maybe I did rewatch the seventh season of The Sopranos instead of Squid Game when I had free time between grocery shopping and contemplating whether or not it’s morally wrong in this age to have children.
But I realized my mistake, okay? I realized after I started getting confused during conversations with friends and family; when my carefully curated TikTok algorithm suddenly mentioned weird stuff like the downfall of late-stage capitalism, the total apathy of the uber-rich, and weird cookies. So, I decided to fix my ignorance the only way I know how: by doing a deep dive into the depths of the internet. I watched the in-depth video essays examining each episode of the show, looking for whatever meaning there is to be found. I watched the video essays of those video essays.
I watched the video saying that the show is critiquing capitalism. I watched a video saying it’s critiquing communism. I watched multiple videos saying that the show is stupid and has no message. I’ve seen it all.
And I’m learning so much that I’m starting to wonder about the worth in watching Squid Game. I grow tired of the references, of the simple questions with complex answers. Of minds that are too feeble to grasp my position in the new age of culture. Squid Game is so much more than just a TV show, so why should I treat it as one? It’s made up of hours of video essays online, the hundreds of unfunny memes posted to social media, the knockoff games trying to recreate the experience online. Someone even gave me a Funko Pop of one of the characters, the one in the green tracksuit. What will be gained from watching the show?
And you know what? Fuck this. I have a much deeper and fuller understanding of the show than someone who simply sat down and watched the show once. So now we come back to my shameful secret. Have I watched Squid Game? No, I have not. Let the people know I will not be cowed. I will not falter. Who watches TV shows anymore? We do not watch for pleasure, we watch to react. It’s all we’re good for. Our life is a Squid Game and we are the squid. There’s squid in the show, right? I could never figure that out.
Former Editor-in-Chief. Like an ouroboros, her jokes consume themselves until no one knows whether they were ever funny. But they are.
