Governor Newsom Ends “Bummer” Stay-at-home Order The Governor of California, Gavin Newsom, has recently ended the stay-at-home order afflicting the entirety of California. In a shocking, …

Gamestop Offers $5 Trade-in Deal for GME Shares Video game retailer GameStop has unveiled a new trade-in service in response to the attention they’ve received from …

Student Comes Out as Non-binary, Assaulted with Kindness Local student, Bandrew Bitko, has recently reported an “assault of kindness” after they came out as non-binary. Bitko …

Warner Brothers Announces Barney the Dinosaur Kaiju Film Ahead of the release of “Godzilla vs. Kong,” Warner Brothers announced that beloved character Barney the Dinosaur would …

Student Copes with Loneliness Through Horrible Film Binge The pain of a recent breakup coupled with the stress of remote learning have brought local student Melanie …

Spotify Wrapped Now Includes Theft of Wages Stat In a new twist to the annual Spotify Wrapped statistics given to listeners on the platform, Spotify has …

Mcdonald’s to Serve Carbonated Eggnog In an unexpected move that both horrified and confused consumers nationwide, McDonald’s has announced that they will be serving carbonated eggnog …

Scientists Prove You Should Buy a Gemini a Goose Sweater New research from the University of Asking Indirectly for What You Want revealed that a person’s …

Chargers Coach “Finally” Figures Out How to Not Lose Close Games After years of having the worst record in the NFL in one-score games, including multiple …

The Elusive “Jack” Referred to by Joe Biden Finally Breaks His Silence According to the latest reports from the CIA, the ubiquitous “Jack” commonly referred to …