Briefs
Can Mario grow a beard, or only a mustache?
Can Mario grow a beard, or only a mustache? Mario is a true Italian man. Every single day, he shaves his entire stocky, hirsute body from …
Can Dr. Mario prescribe me Xanax?
Can Dr. Mario prescribe me Xanax? That’s a good question. Xanax is a prescription sedative used to treat anxiety and panic disorders, so based on your …
Why is Rosalina so tall?
Why is Rosalina so tall? Rosalina is not tall, Mario is simply a short, weak man. Mario’s weak and miniscule height is his penance for being …
Is Bowser Gay or Bisexual?
Is Bowser Gay or Bisexual? Great question! Originally, when we envisioned the character of Bowser, we imagined a love triangle between Mario, Peach, and Bowser with …
Why did Wario bite me?
Why did Wario bite me? Wario has long been known as Mario’s evil counterpart, but few fans know the lore surrounding Wario’s descent to the dark …
Have the Shy Guys practiced their public speaking skills?
Have the Shy Guys practiced their public speaking skills? We’re so glad you asked! Some of the Shy Guys have been working to improve their incessant …
Brave Senator Thwarts Human Rights Measure
Brave Senator Thwarts Human Rights Measure On March 5, when counting a vote on whether or not to increase the federal minimum wage to 15 dollars …
Area Man Experiences Brief Sexual Thrill After Seeing Someone Unmask
Area Man Experiences Brief Sexual Thrill After Seeing Someone Unmask The emotion Raphael Fratangeli felt upon witnessing a complete stranger’s full, unmasked face was, in his …
Local Pre-Law Student Mourned by All
Local Pre-Law Student Mourned by All The entire UCSD community is in mourning following the loss of local pre-law student, Shmexter Shmamilton. Known by his peers …
Top Ten Ways You’re Celebrating Your One Year Anniversary of Quarantining
Top Ten Ways You’re Celebrating Your One Year Anniversary of Quarantining With alcohol Re-dyeing your hair Going on another walk Burning all your masks symbolically and …
