Can Mario grow a beard, or only a mustache?

BriefsNintendo PowerPlayer's PulseSpecial Issue

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

Can Mario grow a beard, or only a mustache?

Mario is a true Italian man. Every single day, he shaves his entire stocky, hirsute body from head to toe, and turns on his favorite record: Frank Sinatra’s “Point of No Return (Remastered Version)” and lets the smooth, charismatic tones of Ol’ Blue Eyes take him away. He steps into his bath of tomato sauce, sprinkled with oregano, garlic, and just a hint of alfredo sauce, to keep his skin milky-white and mushroom-smooth. After he has been cleansed in the red waters of Italy, he puts a couple of meatballs and some spaghetti onto a plate, then measures out 2 and a half cups of sauce, mixing thoroughly. After tucking in, he prays to the pope, and the hair on his head and upper lip magically reappear. The blessing fades every 24 hours, so Mario must do this routine every day in order to recognize the person he sees in the mirror. Hope this helps!

EIC Elect at The MQ

Former Editor-in-Chief. Like an ouroboros, her jokes consume themselves until no one knows whether they were ever funny. But they are.

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