Blue’s Clues Detective Business Fails It’s been 19 years since Blues Clues’ Steve went off to college, and is now announcing a new private detective business. …

UC Campuses Criminalize USB Drives to Combat Illicit Black Market Dealing Pandemonium swept across campus last Wednesday following the announcement prohibiting the possession of USB drives …

Pro Unreal Tournament Player Reflects on 9/11 Jerry Stern, former professional player of the Unreal Tournament titles, has reflected on the events that took place during …

Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick: A Guide to Becoming the World’s Best Golf Caddy Horace Scope, locally-renowned golf caddy, has begun the press tour …

Trader Joe’s Bag Begs for Recycling A paper bag recently used to carry one bottle of Chardonnay out of a Trader Joe’s is now resting under …

Thoughts from the Hostess Table After being in a pandemic, living in the darkness of my haunted house, and letting my once juicy, voluptuous buttocks decay …

Diversity Hire Brian, 67, Speaks on His Work at Forever 21 Brian Ainsent, who commenced his retirement five years ago, recently began looking for a new …

Local Student Is on Edge of Being on Edge Bingus Bunggus has reported staring at the desktop of their computer for three days as their encroaching …

Pepsi Releases New European Line: Pepoui European citizens and Pepsi enthusiasts alike are rejoicing at the new release of a French-themed take on the American soft …

Smuckers Uncrustables Recrusted Smuckers has announced that their beloved Uncrustables will now be sold with crusts. This step is part of Smuckers’ vast rebranding campaign, which …