Diversity Hire Brian, 67, Speaks on His Work at Forever 21

Brian Ainsent, who commenced his retirement five years ago, recently began looking for a new job. “It was just so soul-crushing, to do nothing but sit around and consume media,” proclaimed Ainsent. “So I went to every place with a ‘Now Hiring’ sign and applied.” With three years past and no interviews, Ainsent started to realize the “true extent of suffering” for the newest generation of workers. “It really opened my eyes to the plight of these poor youngsters, and I mean poor. I started to appreciate their humor, and many different ways of connecting with each other.” It was then that Ainsent received an email back from Forever 21, and met with his fellow coworkers, ages ranging from 18 to 24.

“At first, I was really excited to hang out with kids the same age as my grandchildren. But after I had to explain the latest TikTok trend to three separate people, I realized these kids are total losers. Some of them literally don’t have a finsta! They just post all of their thoughts in a single place. Talk about sus,” he added ironically. “One of them wanted to stay in touch after they quit, but then she asked for my email? Just send a letter through a carrier pigeon, sealed with wax, if you’re going to go that far.”