Volume 27 Issue 7
Impossible Foods to Release “Horrifyingly Realistic” Human Meat
“Impossible Flesh is great, but I kind of miss putting a real dude’s meat in my mouth,” remarked one customer.Photo by Jack Yang Following their successful reproductions …
Student Spends Four Years Studying Sugar Production, Finally Granulates
Kirby-Newkirk has been criticized for not double majoring in glucose and fructose, stopping him short of a disaccharide.Photo by Maria Dhilla After four years of painstaking theoretical …
Local MILF Willing to “Risk it All” for One Night of Dining Out at Rubio’s Coastal Grill
“We could go wherever you’d like: Rubio’s, Del Taco, Taco Bell, Third Base,” remarked Kooter.Photo by Sharon Roth Described by her stepson, Britchard, as having the “toned …
UCSD Professor Holds Office Hours Days After Exam, Considered for Position in CAPS
In the syllabus, Professor Weyting stated: “If these office hours don’t work for you, let’s meet never.”Photo by Jack Yang UCSD Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) has …
Environmentalist Worried After Interest Surges in New Cryptocurrency: KermitCoin
“I thought I was buying the dip,” said @TheOmniEagle, “but turns out it wasn’t easy being green.”Photo by Jack Yang From shopping to entertainment, digital technology has …
Area Man to Resume In-Person Conversation Mid-June
After the party, Kalebloomsky said, “The dude I was talking to wouldn’t leaf me alone.”Photo by Sharon Roth It has been announced that COVID-19 restrictions on local …
Top Ten Pairs of Guests to Invite to Your Graduation
Top Ten Pairs of Guests to Invite to Your Graduation Simon and Garfunkel Your two most contagious friends The upper and lower halves of Darth Maul …
Top Ten Last Words
Top Ten Last Words Drunk driving? More like funk driving, hey-o! Haha, you’re on thin ice! Are you sure you put the poison in the other …
Top Ten Best Names for Your Beloved Racehorse to Show How Much You Cherish Them
Top Ten Best Names for Your Beloved Racehorse to Show How Much You Cherish Them Lyndon’s Big Johnson Horse Divorce Nightmare Nelson Piss Biscuit Pulitzer Prize …
Local Senior Procrastinates Having Senioritis
Murphy reported that his nervous system was working just fine because he is “so nervous all time.”Photo by Sharon Roth During a recent intervention staged by his …
