Which pokemon is the least satanic? (from a parent)

BriefsNewtendo: Bite into These CartridgesNintendo PowerSpecial Issue

Written by: Miranda May

Which pokemon is the least satanic? (from a parent)

Such a righteous question, but the blasphemous text of the Pokédex is no place to look for Godliness. This sinful cartoon is no good for our holy children as it is riddled with subliminal Devil worship. Take Snorlax for example: the living embodiment of sloth and indifference towards godly duties. There is no doubt that this demon will turn our children into mindless blobs of laziness. Then there is Lopunny, the adulterous whore, tempting men with her seductive hips. This harlot reeks of lust! Don’t even get me started on Dugtrio! They are in a polygamous, homosexual relationship, and we can only imagine what sins are being committed under the earth! They are the opposite of the Holy Trinity! Instead of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Pokémon has Gay, Gayer, and Gayest. And if you thought a bunch of eggs were safe from heresy, you would be wrong! Exeggcute is obviously pushing pro-abortion philosiphy! It wants to literally execute the fertilized eggs of the womb — which no pokémon or woman should have no control over. Finally we have the Antichrist himself: Mr. Mime. I could go on and on about all of these foul creatures, but the common thread of sin is that they all deny Genesis and creationism and preach the foolish myth of evolution. There is only one pokémon that is a true representation of the sanctity of the Catholic church, and that is Mimikyu — a fraud.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *