Why did Wario bite me?
Wario has long been known as Mario’s evil counterpart, but few fans know the lore surrounding Wario’s descent to the dark side. Following a particularly brutal tennis defeat, Wario became frustrated, turning to the shady side alleys of the Mushroom Kingdom for illegal performance-enhancing power-ups. It is there that he was bit and turned into a creature of the night — not into a werewolf or a vampire, but a robber baron. Ever since, his business enterprises have been driven by his desire to suck the joy and disposable income from the working class. Wario bit you because you are poor, and he deemed your reliance on social services far too extensive for you to deserve to live. But since you survived, I guess he wanted to recruit you as a higher-up for the WarioWare management team. Congratulations on your promotion! Either way, you should be thanking him for doing a service to society and striving to boost productivity at any cost, like any good CEO should.
Kaz Nuckowski is a Copy Editor for the Muir Quarterly. They are usually found in Half Dome laughing and encouraging students to share their wit or giving their own suggestions to make everyone else laugh. Never doubt Kaz and their skills because they will surprise you, especially when the spread has a comic open and they are feeling inspired!
