Briefs

Briefs

Innovative Carpet Bombing Combats Atmospheric River

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

With an atmospheric river bringing torrential rainstorms to the San Diego area, the Air Force scrambled into action, launching a mission to divert its flow. Air …

Briefs

NFL to have most Technologically Advanced Super Bowl yet

Written by: Alberto Ruiz

On February 5, Roger Goodell, commissioner of the NFL, announced that Super Bowl LVIII will be the “most technologically advanced ever.” “We have ensured that Allegiant …

Briefs

In-N-Out Burger Unveils New Secret Menu Item: The Quintuple‑Quintuple®

Written by: The MQ

Last week, California franchise In-N-Out Burger debuted the Quintuple-Quintuple® to appeal to a wider audience. An official statement by the Food and Drug Administration declared it …

Briefs

White House Mandates New ‘mNRA’ Vaccines

Written by: Katie Campbell

In a controversial move last Thursday, the White House announced that all members of the military will be required to receive an “mNRA” vaccine to remain …

Briefs

New Candidate for New York’s 3rd Congressional District Announced

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

Soon after the House of Representatives voted to expel George Santos from his position, several candidates from both sides of the aisle announced their bids for …

Briefs

Psychoanalysis Wrapped — Your Top Armchair Diagnoses in 2023

Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

If your day-to-day interactions with strangers were anything to go by, 2023 was a hard year for you. You exhibited 2,133 different typical behaviors that people …

Briefs

Rocket Launch ‘Went Perfectly’

Written by: Connor Betterly

After another launch of SpaceX’s Starship rocket culminated in a “rapid unscheduled disassembly,” one expert noted: “This means that it blew up (in other words, the …

Briefs

UCSD to Replace All Footpaths with Scooter-Only Lanes

Written by: Naomika Nadkarni

In a controversial decision last Tuesday, the UC San Diego facilities department announced a plan to convert all the footpaths on campus into scooter-only lanes. Ryder …

Briefs

Humans Declared Critically Endangered by ‘Guy Who Can’t Get Laid’

Written by: Erica Rosslee

An intern for the Environmental Protection Agency recently declared humans an endangered species on the agency’s X account. The post was quickly retracted by the intern’s …

Briefs

Rats Unionize

Written by: Dylan Towner

UC San Diego’s rodent population has recently received recognition as an organized union by campus administration. The Lab Rats’ 12-month campaign has garnered them protections against …