Briefs
Local Queer Couple Speedrun Marriage Any Percent
Local Queer Couple Speedrun Marriage Any Percent Nonbinary lesbian couple Anne B. Goye and Robynn Drew have set a new record for modern queer marriages, managing …
Seventh College Man Waiting for Broken Elevator Scales Elevator Shaft
Seventh College Man Waiting for Broken Elevator Scales Elevator Shaft On November 22 at 1:38 a.m., an anonymous resident of Seventh College Tower West called campus …
Struggling Grocery Chain Adds Battle Pass to Generate Revenue
Struggling Grocery Chain Adds Battle Pass to Generate Revenue Big Jim’s Local Grocery has been hit hard by the pandemic, and struggled to pick itself up …
Sun God to Be Demoted to Sun Emperor
Sun God to Be Demoted to Sun Emperor In what was described as a “shocking turn of events” by students, it was found that walking backwards …
Surfer Crashes After Catching Wave That Was Also a Particle
Surfer Crashes After Catching Wave That Was Also a Particle Local surfer Brad Mc- Broski reportedly suffered injuries in a surfing accident, leaving him in a …
Woman Unfortunately Not Haunted by Cool Ghost –– Just Her Past
Woman Unfortunately Not Haunted by Cool Ghost –– Just Her Past “It’s horrible, I might go insane,” claimed Daniela Rumour. “And not in the fun way …
Price Center’s TapEx Is Tired of Being Confused for Tampax –– Considers Rename
Price Center’s TapEx Is Tired of Being Confused for Tampax –– Considers Rename Tapioca Express, the only boba shop on campus for decades, has recently mostly …
Anti-defamation League Champions New Era of Kindness
Anti-defamation League Champions New Era of Kindness On October 21st, President Biden unknowingly flashed a white supremacist hand symbol while he was at a Town Hall …
Aggressive Hurricanes Battle for the Right to Destroy Gulf Coast
Aggressive Hurricanes Battle for the Right to Destroy Gulf Coast Meteorologists and climate scientists are in agreement that global warming is creating more aggressive weather — …
Random Passerby Crowned “King of the Met Gala”
Random Passerby Crowned “King of the Met Gala” Celebrities attending the Met Gala last weekend were surprised to see viewers choose random passerby Jim Hornbloom as …
