Briefs
Biden Declares Bose-Einstein Condensate the New State of the Union
Tuesday night, President Joseph R. Biden shocked the nation during his annual State of the Union address when he declared that the United States would soon …
Doctoral Student Submits Thesis, Promises to Have Time for Other Things Now
Local student Philomena Doctersen finally submitted their thesis last Tuesday, which was met with equal celebration and surprise by friends and family. Dr. Fahrt, their thesis …
Ticketmaster CEO to Open New Company: Masterticket
Last week, millions of Swifties experienced “several bear attacks” as they attempted to buy tickets for Taylor Swift’s upcoming tour, Eras. As a result of the …
Starbucks’ Holiday Cups Cost Extra This Year
After years of Novemberly outrage about Starbucks’ holiday red cups, the coffee company has elected to make the controversial cups an add-on to their drinks instead …
UC Regents Offer to Pay Student Researchers in Dining Dollars
Leaked negotiations reveal that the UC Regents offered to raise graduate student stipends to $54,000 per year, but hid the fact that they would be paid …
Donald Trump Returns to Twitter, Saves the Platform
Following Elon Musk’s acquisition of Twitter, nearly all users have levied complaints against Musk’s policies. Many have gone so far as to leave the platform altogether, …
“Khosplayers” to Storm Comic-Con
With tickets secured, hundreds of UC San Diego students are frantically preparing for San Diego Comic-Con, one of the largest comic conventions in the United States. …
UC on Day seven of Not Understanding the Point of a Union
For the past week, a coalition of four unions representing academic workers across the UC system went on strike due to the university’s unlawful bargaining practices. …
Critics Claim Lettuce Truss’ Political Career Is “Salad” After Resignation
Given economic turmoil, record low approval ratings, and the resignation of her Home Secretary, Lettuce Truss had no choice but to resign Friday, ending her historical …
Local Ghosts Tired of Recent Ghost hunter Paparazzi Boom
Due to a surge in paranormal activity, ghost hunters have become far more popular at UCSD, looking high and low for specters who do not wish …


