November 1, 2023 Read it and weep profusely. Volume XXX Issue II

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

After years of Novemberly outrage about Starbucks’ holiday red cups, the coffee company has elected to make the controversial cups an add-on to their drinks instead of the standard cup their beverages would be served in. When taking a customer’s order, Starbucks baristas must now ask if they would like a holiday cup for an extra 79 cents.

Farhad von Trapp, a self-described “disgruntled” employee at the Del Mar Starbucks on Caminito Del Mar and 15th Street, stated, “I hate this. I hate corporate making us ask people to spend more money instead of just silently charging them. I have to listen to the anti-capitalist hipsters whine about inflation and plastic waste, and I have to listen to the White Christian fanatics yell at me about how the liberals are ruining Christmas. I don’t care. Don’t come here to get your stupid overroasted coffee or your stupid Frappuccino that’s 70% ice. I am obligated to ask if you want the stupid cup that some poor graphics intern designed for the year. I’m going to start asking if you actually want a drink in it too.”

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