Briefs
Cabal Controlling Rotten Tomatoes Outed After “Black Adam” Release
Ahead of its premiere, Black Adam received a Rotten Tomatoes score of 52%. “I remember watching Man of Steel when I was eight years old. I’ve …
Boris Johnson Reelected as U.K.’s Next Prime Minister, Resigns
Former Prime Minister Liz Truss recently resigned after causing the current economic crises facing the U.K. and prompting the value of the pound to plummet. In …
The Padres Blow It Again
Since the Chargers “abandoned” San Diego in 2017, the Padres are the only remaining major sports team in San Diego. The Padres did better than many …
UC Regents To Begin Recycling Students
In an effort to be more sustainable, the UC Regents have decided to start recycling students. “It’s really a no-brainer,” said UC President Michael Drake. “We’ve …
Mobile Stationery Causes Confusion
Panic seized the student body last Monday, following an apparent violation of the laws of reality: the arrival of “Ms. Pell’s Mobile Stationery Store On Wheels” …
Elon Musk Declares Himself “Techno-Emperor of the Universe”
Elon Musk Declares Himself “Techno-Emperor of the Universe” Musk made the announcement on Twitter this morning, where he also said that he has “already been forcing …
British Currency Depicts Prince William Instead of King Charles III
British Currency Depicts Prince William Instead of King Charles III After the death of Queen Elizabeth II, citizens of the United Kingdom were concerned that they …
Fantasy Football Punishment Ends With Three in Jail
Fantasy Football Punishment Ends With Three in Jail Every September, millions of people participate in fantasy football. For some, the joy comes from drafting their favorite …
Cold Fusion Debate Gets Heated
Cold Fusion Debate Gets Heated Cold fusion, a hypothetical type of fusion occurring at room temperature as opposed to the temperature of the sun, is sought …
San Francisco Giants Could Still Make the World Series
San Francisco Giants Could Still Make the World Series In his new book, Unknown Variables, theoretical physicist Dr. Jamie Close explains how the San Francisco Giants …


