Briefs
27 Best New Products to Buy In 2022
27 Best New Products to Buy In 2022 In a hurry? Need to buy a gift for a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband? Got a special …
Scientists Discover Arizona Green Tea Is The Elixir of Life
Scientists Discover Arizona Green Tea Is The Elixir of Life A team of biochemists at UCSD recently discovered that the elixir of life is AriZona Green …
Photographer Protests the Use of SD Cards, Claims Art’s Beauty Is Fleeting
Photographer Protests the Use of SD Cards, Claims Art’s Beauty Is Fleeting Photographer Hito Sprintworthy made waves in the art world after traveling six months for …
Chemist Discovers First Base
A UCSD chemistry lab shocked the scientific community when Erick Menten, a third-year chemistry major, synthesized a compound with unusual physiological effects. Menten first believed the …
For Local Frog, “It Ain’t Easy Being Green”
Listen. Listen! Lean in here. All the way down, buddy. You see where I live? This absolutely gorgeous miniature log cabin is my home. I live …
Bean Bag Shipments to Russia Halted in Support of Ukraine
Following the Russian Army’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine, Mr. Charles Dawkins, CEO of the furniture company Crockery Farm, has announced that bean bag chairs will no …
Local Journalist Slammed for Using Snow Cones Instead of Snowclones
San Diego journalist Canderson Hooper has come under fire for bringing snow cones to work instead of writing “mindless drivel” through using snowclones. His boss, Calter …
Genentech Slated to Release Highly Anticipated “Human 2.0” Update
Next Thursday, the biotechnology giant Genentech is expected to release the “long-overdue” version 2.0 of Humanity. The update is said to contain many useful additions, alongside …
Self-Proclaimed “Main Character” Dies After Parachuteless Skydiving Attempt
Widespread panic was reported in a small suburb outside San Diego this weekend when a “flying, screaming man” fell out of the sky. Sources later confirmed …
Ukraine Moves Country to the Middle of Russia
On Tuesday morning, Russian farmers were surprised by the sight of the nation of Ukraine in their backyards, after Ukraine’s populace picked up their entire country …
