Since the Chargers “abandoned” San Diego in 2017, the Padres are the only remaining major sports team in San Diego. The Padres did better than many expected in the playoffs, knocking out the Los Angeles Dodgers to cries of “Beat LA!” But up against the Philadelphia Phillies, an “awphilly named” team, the Padres could not find their nerve. “They are the fathers of all disappointments,” said one spectator. “If I played like that, my padre wouldn’t care if I ever came back.”

“It’s a shame,” said one fan at Petco Park, after his evening of rooting for the home team ended in a bitter loss, which was “expected, and in all honesty deserved, considering how poorly [the Padres] played.” But his spirits were lifted when he and the few dozen remaining Padres supporters were given some leftover peanuts and Cracker Jack as consolation prizes.

One man’s enthusiasm at the loss shocked San Diegans. “Personally, I’m glad the Padres were knocked out,” said player Fernando Tatis Jr. “I was never going to let myself miss out on watching the World Series. Now I can watch it together with my teammates!”