Briefs
Australia Loses War to Emus Again
The Australian military has reported that their second crusade against the emus has failed. Following their defeat at the hands of the birds in the 1932 …
Red Angels Drum Corps Raises Member Fees
For the fifth year in a row, the Red Angels Drum Corps has raised its member fees, this time to a record-setting $11,283 for the 2024 …
San Diego Named Least Expensive City to Live in the U.S.
Following a rapid decline in rent prices, San Diego fell off of the U.S. News & World Report’s list of most expensive places to live in …
Chuck E. Cheese Denies Five Nights at Freddy’s Connection after ABduction
Last Friday evening, a child was reported missing after attending a birthday party at the Pasadena Chuck E. Cheese location. Following the Pasadena Police Department’s report …
Student Sealed Away, Shredded, Thrown Into Ocean
Following a controversial Yu-Gi-Oh! tournament at a San Diego game store, UC San Diego student Keto Saiba was accused of using banned cards in his Exodia …
Local Man Buys Clown Shoes,Insists He is “Not A Clown”
Self-described “human adult man” Robert “Bobo” Honkson has once again denied accusations that he is a clown. Recent evidence submitted to San Diego courts was described …
Personal Carbon Electrolyzers May Solve Climate Crisis
From the makers of the Veritas 800 Marine 30 lubricant comes Chevron’s Carbon Electrolyzer, a machine able to “cleanly break down” CO2. “We have compacted our …
Inedible Arrangements CEO Becomes World’s First Trillionaire
Inedible Arrangements CEO Honey Dew became the world’s first trillionaire after her flower startup’s stock became the most traded stock in NASDAQ history. The stock’s meteoric …
UCSD Offers First Quantitative Sheep Studies Course
This quarter, UC San Diego began offering BAA 1: Quantitative Sheep Studies, a course to educate students on numerical methods for sheep counting. However, after only …
Elon Musk’s Baby Name List Leaked
A recent wave of phishing attacks targeting X users has resulted in hundreds of thousands of mobile devices being compromised. Anti-phishing investigations speculate the hackers’ motivations …


