Inedible Arrangements CEO Honey Dew became the world’s first trillionaire after her flower startup’s stock became the most traded stock in NASDAQ history. The stock’s meteoric rise was due to the record-shattering super bloom in Antarctica, where Dew’s company sources its flowers.
“Thanks to what my scientists are calling ‘planet get hot,’ our company’s thousands of acres of flower fields in Antarctica are the last remaining flowers in the world,” said Dew. “Now that the company has a few billion dollars for our R&D budget, I’ll be making sure that the Antarctic is the last arable land on this planet. Heck, our rose sales for the week made me enough money to bribe every politician in Washington D.C. — even the dead ones!”
Inedible Arrangements announced their new “Planet Heater” initiative as well as their updated prices in a press conference hosted by Dew. “With every customer’s purchase of a dozen roses ($30,000), we will personally release one imperial ton of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, ensuring future generations can also enjoy our beautiful roses.”