Articles
Disney Announces Yet Another Muppet Movie
“I don’t really know what I want the plot to be yet,” said Jamesin, “but I know that Kermit’s gonna sing.”Photo by Sharon Roth Last week, …
Academic Integrity Violators Sent to Boingo’s Bathhouse
“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Sharon Roth The previous motto of UC San Diego, “Plagiarize …
Student Shocked to Discover Pete Davidson is Now Dating Her Mother
“He has so many tattoos, I feel like it would be more special if he didn’t get one of my name,” said Jennifer Dong.Photo by James …
Mercedes Launches New Brake Line Subscription Service
“And I thought my car was crazy for making me pay for a gas subscription,” said Shapoor Laliwalla.Photo by Sharon Roth Last Thursday, Mercedes-Benz announced a …
Amidst Recession Fears, U.S. Federal Reserve Adopts New Monetary Policy of “Get Your Money Up”
“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Julia Wong After two quarters of negative economic growth and …
Minotaur Discovered in UCSD Tunnels
“There’s a minotaur in the tunnels? I call bullshit,” announced one fourth-year.Photo by Amit Roth It is common knowledge among UC San Diego students that there …
Breaking Bones Is Good for You Because Then You Have More Bones
Don’t trust Big Bone! All they want is to preserve their calcium cartel. Trust me on this one: breaking your bones is good for you. Who …
“The Mona Lisa Isn’t Even That Great” vs. “So Make Something Better”
Point: The Mona Lisa Isn’t Even That Great Ah, the Louvre: the most famous art museum in the world. Why? Sure, it has more paintings than …
New False Memory Service Helps Users Pad Their Resumes
“This new app really helps me sleep better at night,” attested Laina Lightly. “And not just because I have better job security — my resumé now …
Scarecrows to Be Used to Alleviate Teacher Shortage
“It is such an honor to be taught by someone who won the Fields Medal in computational agriculture,” commented Ayla.Photo by Maria Dhilla In San Diego …
