Articles
Angry Local Politician Hates American Education System, But Not for the Same Reasons as Everyone Else
“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Maria Dhilla On October 3rd, Florida state representative Glenn Miller …
Cells Have Feelings, Too
You are made of cells. On the most fundamental level, everything is made of cells — the plants you forget to water, the mold growing on …
Student Shocked to Discover Pete Davidson is Now Dating Her Mother
“He has so many tattoos, I feel like it would be more special if he didn’t get one of my name,” said Jennifer Dong.Photo by James …
Mercedes Launches New Brake Line Subscription Service
“And I thought my car was crazy for making me pay for a gas subscription,” said Shapoor Laliwalla.Photo by Sharon Roth Last Thursday, Mercedes-Benz announced a …
Amidst Recession Fears, U.S. Federal Reserve Adopts New Monetary Policy of “Get Your Money Up”
“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Julia Wong After two quarters of negative economic growth and …
Minotaur Discovered in UCSD Tunnels
“There’s a minotaur in the tunnels? I call bullshit,” announced one fourth-year.Photo by Amit Roth It is common knowledge among UC San Diego students that there …
Breaking Bones Is Good for You Because Then You Have More Bones
Don’t trust Big Bone! All they want is to preserve their calcium cartel. Trust me on this one: breaking your bones is good for you. Who …
Triangle-cut Pizza: The Story of Success Taken Away
I had my first slice of pizza when I was two years old. My grandmother took me to a place in Brooklyn on the corner of …
The Wheels of Comedy Central Are Turning
“It really takes the laughter out of manslaughter,” stated Barney Medler.Photo by James Woolley On Wednesday, at a joint press conference held by the FBI and …
Local Horse Opposes Affordable Housing Development in Neighborhood
Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades — two things I’ll be chucking at the affordable houses!” proclaimed the horse.Photo by James Woolley In September …
