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Angry Local Politician Hates American Education System, But Not for the Same Reasons as Everyone Else

Written by: Karina Yu

“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Maria Dhilla On October 3rd, Florida state representative Glenn Miller …

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Cells Have Feelings, Too

Written by: Sharon Roth

You are made of cells. On the most fundamental level, everything is made of cells — the plants you forget to water, the mold growing on …

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Timothée Chalamet Goes Outside, Buys Milk

Written by: Everett Ririe

“I can’t believe he bought cow’s milk,” declared Lamborda. “I’m still a fan, but just a little bit less.”Photo by Julia Wong This morning, Timothée Chalamet …

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UCSD to Repaint Geisel Lobby After Redesign Blinds Students

Written by: Melina Cruz

“We want students to be drawn to the library like moths to a flame,” said Gibbons.Photo by Julia Wong Upon the recent unveiling of the new …

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Local Christians Claim Halloween as a Precursor to Christmas

Written by: Maddie Samaniego

“I think I finally have my Jesus costume nailed down,” said one trick-or-treater.Photo by Farhad Taraporevala Last Sunday, a local Christian group called “Holy Spirit Halloweeners” …

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Italy Elects Mussolini’s Reanimated Corpse as Prime Minister

Written by: Jacob King

Last week, Giorgia Meloni, who was expected to become Italy’s first female prime minister, stepped down as head of the Brothers of Italy Party. Meloni made …

ArticlesEditorialOpinion

Competitive Eating Is Good for the Economy

Written by: Farhad Taraporevala

I am an American hero. I am the one who keeps local businesses afloat during COVID-19, who provides the money to put kids through school, who …

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Disney Announces Yet Another Muppet Movie

Written by: Amit Roth

“I don’t really know what I want the plot to be yet,” said Jamesin, “but I know that Kermit’s gonna sing.”Photo by Sharon Roth Last week, …

ArticlesCampusNews

Academic Integrity Violators Sent to Boingo’s Bathhouse

Written by: Emily Cronan

“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Sharon Roth The previous motto of UC San Diego, “Plagiarize …

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Student Fakes Her Own Death to Avoid Jury Duty

Written by: Madeline Mozafari

“RIP, and by that I mean rest in perjury,” said an anonymous student.Photo by Maria Dhilla After hearing the news that her roommate Ayla Burton passed …