Articles
Disney Announces Yet Another Muppet Movie
“I don’t really know what I want the plot to be yet,” said Jamesin, “but I know that Kermit’s gonna sing.”Photo by Sharon Roth Last week, …
Academic Integrity Violators Sent to Boingo’s Bathhouse
“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Sharon Roth The previous motto of UC San Diego, “Plagiarize …
Student Fakes Her Own Death to Avoid Jury Duty
“RIP, and by that I mean rest in perjury,” said an anonymous student.Photo by Maria Dhilla After hearing the news that her roommate Ayla Burton passed …
President Dreám Announces Face Reveal
This past week, the newly-elected president of L’manburg announced to his constituents that he would be doing a “face reveal” following the conclusion of his campaign. …
Ninth College Construction Hits Rock Bottom
“Yeah, there were a few preventable issues,” admitted one engineer. “We probably should’ve done a dry run first.”Photo by Sharon Roth UC San Diego students who …
I Think I’ll Be a Witch for Halloween This Year vs. Thou Art a Wretched Sinner, Utterly Unworthy of God’s Love
Point: I Think I’ll Be a Witch for Halloween This Year I’m not sure. I think it could be fun. I have a lot of ideas. …
Angry Local Politician Hates American Education System, But Not for the Same Reasons as Everyone Else
“I want you to grind really hard,” said Jerome Powell, chair of the Federal Reserve.Photo by Maria Dhilla On October 3rd, Florida state representative Glenn Miller …
Cells Have Feelings, Too
You are made of cells. On the most fundamental level, everything is made of cells — the plants you forget to water, the mold growing on …
Timothée Chalamet Goes Outside, Buys Milk
“I can’t believe he bought cow’s milk,” declared Lamborda. “I’m still a fan, but just a little bit less.”Photo by Julia Wong This morning, Timothée Chalamet …
UCSD to Repaint Geisel Lobby After Redesign Blinds Students
“We want students to be drawn to the library like moths to a flame,” said Gibbons.Photo by Julia Wong Upon the recent unveiling of the new …
