Opinion
I’m the gallon of milk in your fridge you have not touched since week 1
This cold, desolate land has been all I’ve known. When I was chosen by you, I thought I had a chance at a rich, adventurous life. …
Hark! Welcometh Back to Mine ThouTube Channel
Hark! Welcometh back to mine ThouTube channel. Maketh sure to like, comment, and tell thy bellkeep to ring the bell in the towne square so thou …
The Worm From The Labyrinth Is the Best Character Ever and Here’s Why
Ello! See, isn’t that a lovely way to start off a conversation? Not a “hello” but an “ello”. That’s what a cute little worm named William …
To Anna, The Girl In Front Of Me Who Stole My Joke In York Hall
A Hopeful Funeral Dirge
1,000 Dead in the War on Christmas
By Xander Goldman Proud American It’s no secret that life is getting tougher for conservative, Christian, patriotic Americans like me. Still, it’s a tough pill to …
It’s Too Soon to Start Playing Christmas Music vs. I Never Stopped
Point: It’s Too Soon to Start Playing Christmas Music By Dr. Bob A. O’Riley Chairman of the Committee for National Holiday Declaration I cannot believe you …
I Got Salmonella From UCSD Dining Halls vs. We Don’t Even Serve Salmon!
Point: I Got Salmonella From UCSD Dining Halls By Sam O. Nella Hungry Student This is ridiculous. I pay God knows how much for housing (which …
What College Are You In? vs. Who Cares?
Point: You’ll Never Get Ahold of Me Lucky Charms! By Anna Ying First-Year Hi! What college are you in? I’m in Seventh. What’s your major? I’m …
How I Cured Conspiracy Theorists by Selling Them a More Ludicrous Conspiracy
By Chad Rähserchur Disillusioned Film Critic Human nature is to know. The absence of knowledge haunts us, tears away at our sanity. I say to everyone …
Oh the Places You’ll Go! (After You Move Back In with Your Parents)
As I look out upon my novelty calendar featuring inspirational cat photos, I am reminded that I have not a fortnight before I don my gown …
