Opinion

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The New Decade Actually Starts Next Year Because There Was No Year Zero vs. Yeah, You May Be Right, but You’re Still a Nerd

Written by: Aniela Drumonde

Point: The New Decade Actually Starts Next Year Because There Was No Year Zero I’ve noticed something particularly erroneous in the everyday colloquialisms of my fellow …

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Australia’s Fires are Tragic but We Can All Help vs. Okay, but First Can We Stop Those Men From Wearing Shorts That are Too Short?

Written by: Varsha Varkhedi

Point: Australia’s Fires are Tragic but We Can All Help I was so devastated to hear about the Australian fires. Just thinking about all those animals …

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I’m Ditching Coal This Year for a Cleaner Alternative

Written by: The MQ

By Santa ClausBearer of Gifts Merry Christmas everyone! Old Saint Nick’s here to dispel some not-so-jolly rumors about my business practices. Some grumpy old elves have …

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A Reflection on the Past Decade Shows That Things Really Are Improving

Written by: Pilan Scruggs

With the year of optometry rapidly approaching, many of you are reminiscing on the past decade and wondering what will happen next. Some of you, in …

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Dear Santa, why didn’t I get any presents this year? vs. You’re 35, Bill

Written by: Steven Zhou and Matthew Miltimore

Point: Dear Santa, why didn’t I get any presents this year? Dear Santa, My name is Bill, and I have a question to ask you. Why …

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Point/Counterpoint: How Hard Can This Premed Thing Be?/I Switched Majors Three Weeks Into my Freshman Year

Written by: Jay Noonan

How Hard Can This Premed Thing Be? By Joseph NeuronIncoming Freshman Look, I know I’m only going into my first year, but how hard can Premedreally …

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This Little Piggy Went to a Frat Party, This Little Piggy Has a Bloody Nose Because Becky Offered Her Cocaine…

Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky

By Martha ChristiansonFailed Parent Hello! Yeah, hello, Susie! You’re just the cutest baby, huh? Do you want to hear what your siblings were up to last …

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Foot Fetishist Reviews Quentin Tarantino’s “Once Upon A Time In Hollywood”

Written by: Andrew Sitko

By Westin ToetinoNew Movie Critic Tarantino’s ninth film, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is a love letter to the glory days of the movie industry, …

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Point/Counterpoint: Going Pre-med is the Hardest Route a College Student Can Take/Objection, Your Honor

Written by: Dexter Hamilton and Steven Zhou

Going Pre-med is the Hardest Route a College Student Can Take By Baxter Washington Pre-med Student Out of all potential career paths college students can take, …

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My Nonprofit Has Made Significant Measures to Stop Global Warming

Written by: Steven Zhou

I have never been more proud to be a community leader in Hell. After thousands of years of drought, fire, and brimstone, I decided that enough …