Opinion
Back in My Day, We Had Plague Doctors and That Was Rad as Fuck
Everyone seems to have an opinion on what doctors are doing nowadays, so I want to take this time to speak up for ghosts everywhere because …
Local Dog Claims “I Actually Don’t Need to Go on Anymore Walks”
All my family does is take me on walks anymore. I am trying to be a good girl, but I am tired. It all started the …
A Letter Regarding Coronavirus
Dear Valued Customer, We’ve been carefully watching and tracking the progression of this pandemic since the very beginning. At a Company You Gave Your Email to …
I am a Simple Tomato and Bon Appetit Cooked Me 47 Different Ways. This is My Story.
Here’s the thing — I’m a tomato. Yes, I shouldn’t be able to type. I don’t even have thumbs. But have you ever been so pissed …
If I Need to Die for the Economy, then Kill Me Goddammit vs. Dad, How Did You Escape the Nursing Home?
Point: If I Need to Die for the Economy, then Kill Me Goddammit Gather around everyone, it’s time for a family meeting. Hey, why is everyone …
If the Ice Caps are Melting, Can’t We Just Make More?
By Janet HolmesBusiness major andamateur Climatologist Everyone nowadays is complaining about the ice caps melting without doing anything about it, but the solution is actually so …
I Love You vs. ty
Point: I Love You Salutations my fair maiden, Prithee, come to me, will you? I shan’t take too much of your time with this proposition of …
The Pole is the Worst Art Piece on Campus vs. ..-. ..- -.-. -.- / -.– — ..-
Point: The Pole is the Worst Art piece on Campus At the end of my senior year of high school, I found myself facing one of …
The New Decade Actually Starts Next Year Because There Was No Year Zero vs. Yeah, You May Be Right, but You’re Still a Nerd
Point: The New Decade Actually Starts Next Year Because There Was No Year Zero I’ve noticed something particularly erroneous in the everyday colloquialisms of my fellow …
Australia’s Fires are Tragic but We Can All Help vs. Okay, but First Can We Stop Those Men From Wearing Shorts That are Too Short?
Point: Australia’s Fires are Tragic but We Can All Help I was so devastated to hear about the Australian fires. Just thinking about all those animals …
