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Posers Are Horrible and Ruin the Scene for Everybody Vs. I Am Having So Much Fun and Everyone Likes Me!

Written by: Robin Brewin


Posers Are Horrible and Ruin the Scene for Everybody

By Blair Griffith
TikTok Goth Extraordinaire

Everybody knows there’s nothing worse than a pretentious little braggart that thinks they know what they’re talking about. It seriously gets on my nerves. 

A lot of people try to call me out and tell me I’m the one who doesn’t know what I’m talking about. Well, get this through your puny brittle skull: I do. Everyone knows being goth is all about the look: black hair, chain accessories, and eyeliner sharper than an obsidian blade. Try to tell me I’m wrong. You can’t. I have Pinterest boards full of grainy, edited photos of hands holding roses, neon lights that say things like “it was just a kiss,” and people lighting cigarettes (I’m too young to smoke, but I do anyway ‘cause it’s an important part of the culture). 

Don’t get me wrong, the music matters too. I can’t believe half of the self-proclaimed “goths” I have to talk to haven’t even listened to a single song by the legendary musical ensemble that is Mother Mother. Also, don’t tell me you’re goth unless you’ve wallowed in self-hatred, while sitting in the shower fully clothed as “Burning Pile” plays on your phone’s shitty speakers. Now that is goth. 

Anyways, these people seriously don’t know what they’re talking about. Quit calling yourself goth if you don’t even know who Lil Peep is. Seriously.


I Am Having So Much Fun and Everyone Likes Me!

By Susan Smith
Humble Baby Bat

Oh, you like Lil Peep? That’s cool, I like a pretty wide variety of music too! It’s not all darkwave and postpunk; I get what you’re going for. By the way, I really like your eye makeup! I’m trying to really master the Siouxsie Sioux look right now, but it’s tough to get it just right. I don’t even really like wearing it every day. Oh, you haven’t listened to Siouxsie and the Banshees yet? You should, they’re part of how I got into this whole scene. But I mean, I dunno, I like them a lot, but maybe there’s something even more goth that I haven’t found yet. 

Yeah, I’ve only really been dressing like this for six months or something. I can’t afford to do a complete overhaul of my wardrobe whenever I want. But I’ve liked the music for a little while, and I finally got a few good outfits I wear to clubs now. Yeah, there are a couple of them out here, but I don’t blame you for not knowing; you’d have to really look for them. Maybe I can take you next year, when you’re 21? Oh, they play all kinds of stuff, I’m sure you’ll like it. Uh … no, I don’t think they’ve played Mother Mother before. I’m sure you could request it, though! Even the DJs are pretty approachable!

Actually, now that you mention it, everyone I’ve met at clubs and stuff has been super friendly to me! They call me a “baby bat,” ‘cause I’m new to everything, but I’ve even shown some of them bands they haven’t listened to yet. Maybe you could show me some other cool bands sometime? You sure seem to know a lot about what it means to be goth!

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