Volume 30
Humans Declared Critically Endangered by ‘Guy Who Can’t Get Laid’
An intern for the Environmental Protection Agency recently declared humans an endangered species on the agency’s X account. The post was quickly retracted by the intern’s …
UCSD Introduces Productivity Pods to Help Students Study
“These are apparently a part of the new study a-pod program,” said Stanly Wrighter.Photo by Erica Rosslee In preparation for the upcoming final exams, UC San …
Rats Unionize
UC San Diego’s rodent population has recently received recognition as an organized union by campus administration. The Lab Rats’ 12-month campaign has garnered them protections against …
LaCroix Announces New Boxing Day Hotdog Eating Competition
“The hotdog buns taste so much better now,” said Jack Peanut. “It makes me want to LaCry.”Photo by Julia Wong I n the company’s latest advertising …
Every Time a College is Opened, a Provost Gains its Wings
With the opening of Eighth College this year and the anticipated opening of more in the near future, upwards mobility in the provost job market is …
Dining Hall Workers Can’t Serve for Shit vs. We Serve Cunt
POINT: Dining Hall Workers Can’t Serve for Shit Is it so bad to want for more in life? Is it such a sin to want the …
You Are Not Snow White vs Tell That to These Fucking Ravens
POINT: You Are Not Snow White Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I practice the tradition of frolicking through Eucalyptus Grove and serenading my entourage of forest …
Frasier Reboot Meets Expectations
“No man, woman, or child is going to be able to call me a fake Frasier fan,” said Kilometers.Photo by Amit Roth The first two episodes …
It Takes Forever to Get Anywhere Because of the Construction vs. In My Day, We Walked Uphill Both Ways
Armed with a summer’s worth of marathon training, enough protein powder to sustain a small village, and the willpower of a proper American imperialist ready to …
