“The hotdog buns taste so much better now,” said Jack Peanut. “It makes me want to LaCry.”
Photo by Julia Wong
I
n the company’s latest advertising campaign, LaCroix Beverages Inc. announced that they would be hosting a promotional Boxing Day hotdog eating competition, which the company is pitching as a new yearly tradition. “The idea all started July 4, when my daughter Barily-Anny and I sat down to watch My Little Pony, but we realized it had been kicked from its 12 p.m. Eastern slot by this hotdog eating contest,” explained LaCroix CEO Hinta Flavoure. “We figured we might as well watch it, and 10 life-changing minutes later, I knew I had to correct a serious wrong. All those competitive eaters would eat the hotdog and bun separately, but that isn’t even the weirdest part. All of them also dipped the bun into water — blech, can you imagine how terrible those buns must have tasted? That’s when I got the idea to redo the competition in a way that ensured all of the competitors could dip their buns into something bursting with flavor and experience tastebud ecstasy with their soggy, LaCroix-flavored hotdog buns.”
Professional competitive eaters reacted to the news positively, and many of the top competitors announced sponsorship deals with LaCroix to generate excitement for the event. “I am so jazzed to be partnering with LaCroix,” said professional eater and men’s world record holder Jack Peanut. “To train for the big event, I will spend the next month bathing in the aura of hotdogs and LaCroix 24/7 with at least one can of each flavor open within a 20-foot radius of my person, padding my furniture with hotdog buns, and taking frequent baths in a tub full of cooking hotdogs.”
Fans of LaCroix have been encouraged to take part in the company’s newest social media campaign for a chance to win both free tickets to the competition and a lifetime supply of LaCroix. The challenge, nicknamed the “Bubbly-Funtime Play-Eating Challenge” has fans send in videos of them dipping their favorite foods into
LaCroix, with the most “unique and delicious” combinations winning the competition. “Sure, most people wouldn’t think the CEO would be judging the competition herself,” said Flavoure. “But I believe that good leadership requires sacrifice, even if that means Barily-Anny and I have to try fans’ interesting combos, such as Hákarl dipped in Pamplemousse LaCroix, or turducken dipped in Múre Pepino LaCroix. Thankfully, not all of them have been horrendous. A favorite of ours currently is frozen dihydrogen monoxide dipped in Pure LaCroix.”
With over 200,000 participants in the challenge, it remains unclear how Flavoure and her daughter will try all of the combinations, though the CEO has promised to “work just as hard as the scientists do to pack each sip of LaCroix with wall-to-wall flavor bombs” as she attempts to try every
fan submission.
LaCroix sales have increased fourfold since the start of the “Bubbly-Funtime Play-Eating Challenge,” with many participants buying every flavor of LaCroix to test combinations. “Honestly, when I heard about the challenge, I was skeptical. How could the beautiful and
harmonious flavors of LaCroix be improved upon by adding a solid?” said self-proclaimed LaCroix fanatic Lax Taystuh. “I figured out pretty quickly that most of the food in my fridge did not mix well with LaCroix. A mango-flavored popsicle dipped in Mango LaCroix
was the worst thing I’ve ever eaten. But then I added some frozen gravy to the Key Lime LaCroix, and my world was shattered. I can’t wait for the CEO to taste my creation and give me that sweet, sweet lifetime LaCroix!”
