Volume 30
Christmas Decor to Change Alongside Climate
“We’re going to get a lot of coal this Christmas,” said Jolly McTinsel.Photo by Dylan Schmidt According to focus group data from holiday retail giant Mallhark, …
ChatGPT Caught Cheating on Student
“I thought we were in an open source relationship!” said ChatGPT.Photo by Julia Wong Navigating multiple deferrals and the students sleeping in their hallways, the Academic …
Please, Just Let Me Live in the Future
I was born in the wrong generation. Everyone seems to have lost their minds! To let Dogecoin die? To not let Elon Musk into your brain …
New Candidate for New York’s 3rd Congressional District Announced
Soon after the House of Representatives voted to expel George Santos from his position, several candidates from both sides of the aisle announced their bids for …
Psychoanalysis Wrapped — Your Top Armchair Diagnoses in 2023
If your day-to-day interactions with strangers were anything to go by, 2023 was a hard year for you. You exhibited 2,133 different typical behaviors that people …
UCSD Transportation Services Debuts Airline
“What’s the deal with HDH airline food?” asked one student.Photo by Connor Betterly This weekend, Chancellor Pradeep Khosla announced that, in an effort to ease students’ …
Rocket Launch ‘Went Perfectly’
After another launch of SpaceX’s Starship rocket culminated in a “rapid unscheduled disassembly,” one expert noted: “This means that it blew up (in other words, the …
UCSD Announces Plan to Become Carbon Neutral
“The warmth of Chancellor Khosla’s new car is enough for all of Sixth College,” said one student.Photo by Julia Wong In order to become carbon neutral, …
Goodnight Moon Challenged in Schools After Debate Regarding Moon’s Existence
“It’s time for us to say goodnight to the nefarious influence of this book,” said one parent.Photo by Millie You The string of conservative-led book bans …
UCSD to Replace All Footpaths with Scooter-Only Lanes
In a controversial decision last Tuesday, the UC San Diego facilities department announced a plan to convert all the footpaths on campus into scooter-only lanes. Ryder …
