Psychoanalysis Wrapped — Your Top Armchair Diagnoses in 2023


Written by: Kaz Nuckowski

If your day-to-day interactions with strangers were anything to go by, 2023 was a hard year for you. You exhibited 2,133 different typical behaviors that people who have no concept of your personality or life circumstances yet locked eyes with you in a Starbucks decided to interpret as signs of 38 different mental illnesses. Wow! Talk about pathological.

Based on your psychiatric profile as compiled in the thoughts of people you have never spoken to, you are most similar to patients in Boston, USA. The masses say that you’re stone cold, but you belong at Harvard.

Many labels followed you this year: your top genres included personality disorders, mood disorders, and dissociative disorders. But only one diagnosis stood the test of time. Because you forgot to say sorry when you bumped into them but held the door when they were over 400 feet from the entrance to the lecture hall, 15 people assumed you have bipolar disorder with psychotic features. Celebrate the special bond you have with the people who know nothing about you yet somehow managed to guess correctly, even if it was for all the wrong reasons.

Distribution Lieutenant at The MQ

Kaz Nuckowski is a Copy Editor for the Muir Quarterly. They are usually found in Half Dome laughing and encouraging students to share their wit or giving their own suggestions to make everyone else laugh. Never doubt Kaz and their skills because they will surprise you, especially when the spread has a comic open and they are feeling inspired!

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