Written by: Amit Roth

With the opening of Eighth College this year and the anticipated opening of more in the near future, upwards mobility in the provost job market is at an unprecedented high. The inaugural provost of Eighth College, Professor Claire Nice, when asked about her new responsibilities, challenges, and pay, stated, “It’s a wonderful life.”

“All you can take with you to your new job is that which you’ve given away,” continued Nice. “My experience as a researcher and a scholar elevated my ability as provost to have meetings. I am grateful for Chancellor Khosla and our generous donors for the opportunity to lead this college to great places. The sky’s the limit, except for getting a name that isn’t a numeral.”

With the groundbreaking of Ninth College nearing, many of UCSD’s faculty members have put forward their applications for provost. According to the latest count from the UCSD Staff Promotion Program, to accommodate the amount of applicants, UCSD would have to open Sixty-Second College. “I hope my peers get what they want for Christmas,” said Nice. “A provost’s job is to spread joy to the children of this campus. You never realize how many lives you touch by outlining their required writing sequence.”

Amit is a cog in this machine. But doesn't everything run on optic cables or something?

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