Volume 29
UC Regents Offer to Pay Student Researchers in Dining Dollars
Leaked negotiations reveal that the UC Regents offered to raise graduate student stipends to $54,000 per year, but hid the fact that they would be paid …
Domino’s Announces New Delivery Service
Pizza Hut topples the competition
Congress Announces a Bipartisan Skincare Line
“Wearing this skincare product makes me feel 40 years younger. I might even start voting Democrat again,” testified Senator McConnell.Photo by Julia Wong House Speaker Nancy …
New Apple Variety Developed
Red vicious
Student Explodes After Discovering They’re An Extra on The Truman Show
“What? It was time to BeReal,” said Snot.Photo by Sharon Roth A large commotion that “wasn’t a fire alarm for once” was reported by Sixth College …
Critics Claim Lettuce Truss’ Political Career Is “Salad” After Resignation
Given economic turmoil, record low approval ratings, and the resignation of her Home Secretary, Lettuce Truss had no choice but to resign Friday, ending her historical …
Local Ghosts Tired of Recent Ghost hunter Paparazzi Boom
Due to a surge in paranormal activity, ghost hunters have become far more popular at UCSD, looking high and low for specters who do not wish …
Netflix to Split All of Its Content Into Smaller Channels
“Why would I want this segmented business model when I can watch entire movies in 328 shorts on TikTok?” asked Lee.Photo by Julia Wong Netflix recently …
Cabal Controlling Rotten Tomatoes Outed After “Black Adam” Release
Ahead of its premiere, Black Adam received a Rotten Tomatoes score of 52%. “I remember watching Man of Steel when I was eight years old. I’ve …
