Volume 28
Lucky Student to Receive Full Ride Scholarship After Participating In Series of Challenges
“During the game, we are legally allowed to murder our roommates” said Peepal, “Who can’t do the dishes now?”Photo by Sharon Roth On Friday, Akhil Peepal successfully …
Top 10 Suspects Who Ran Grandma Over
Top 10 Suspects Who Ran Grandma Over Antifa Hypothermia Mariah Carey on a Zamboni Our stepdad Scott on ketamine A moose with no prior criminal record …
UCSD Implements Inclusivity “Mxndate”, Enforces Binary “Mxntality”
Photo by Sharon Roth After months of anticipation and several strongly worded email from campus TERFs, UCSD is finally rolling out their “Inclusivity Mxndate.” Chancellor Khosla …
Breaking News: Animal Spotted in Local Forest
“It’s like a Pokémon… but real,” explained Buttage.Photo by Maria Dhilla Late on Thursday night, UCSD sophomore Peter Buttage noticed an unidentified animal in a eucalyptus grove …
Sun God to Be Demoted to Sun Emperor
Sun God to Be Demoted to Sun Emperor In what was described as a “shocking turn of events” by students, it was found that walking backwards …
Khosla Releases New “Crypto And Kitchen Exchange” Plan to Replace Dining Dollars
“I don’t give a shit about all this talk of legal tenders,” said Hamburg, “I just want my goddamn chicken tenders.”Photo by Jack Yang In light of …
Surfer Crashes After Catching Wave That Was Also a Particle
Surfer Crashes After Catching Wave That Was Also a Particle Local surfer Brad Mc- Broski reportedly suffered injuries in a surfing accident, leaving him in a …
Movie Producer Approves Movie Adaptation of Its Novelization
“If you haven’t read the book and watched the movie, you’re not going to get this one,” claimed one fan.Photo by Sharon Roth In their newest press …
Woman Unfortunately Not Haunted by Cool Ghost –– Just Her Past
Woman Unfortunately Not Haunted by Cool Ghost –– Just Her Past “It’s horrible, I might go insane,” claimed Daniela Rumour. “And not in the fun way …
Girls With Crystals to Reignite the Salem Witch Trials
“Tarot cards? This is a taro latte,” said one of the “witches.”Photo by Sharon Roth Self-proclaimed “witches” are over fire after burning crosses, voodoo dolls, and other …
