Volume 28
UCSD Creates New “All Holiday Week” for Convenience
“We gotta look on the bright side of this,” said Bitko. “That means there’s only one defined week of holiday music.”Photo by Maria Dhilla In an attempt …
Lucky Student to Receive Full Ride Scholarship After Participating In Series of Challenges
“During the game, we are legally allowed to murder our roommates” said Peepal, “Who can’t do the dishes now?”Photo by Sharon Roth On Friday, Akhil Peepal successfully …
Top 10 Suspects Who Ran Grandma Over
Top 10 Suspects Who Ran Grandma Over Antifa Hypothermia Mariah Carey on a Zamboni Our stepdad Scott on ketamine A moose with no prior criminal record …
President Xi Jinping’s Family-Friendly, Close-Up Magic TikTok Series Goes Viral
After the new plan was enacted on the platform, tensions have reportedly risen between the BTS Army and the People’s Liberation Army.Photo by Sharon Roth Since the …
Top Ten Holiday Songs On The Radio
Top Ten Holiday Songs On The Radio You’re a Nice One, Mr. Frownch Silent Knight (How Genghis Khan Conquered Asia) No, I Don’t Hear What You …
Statisticians Create New Phe-Nominal Scale for Extra Special Data Points
“Noferror’s rebuttal of my use of medians was valid, but some of the comments made by other statisticians were just plain mean,” said Stribution.Photo by Maria Dhilla …
Top Ten New Sayings
Top Ten New Sayings Where’s there’s a will, there’s a funeral If you can’t join them, beat them You can lead a horse to water, but …
Santa Claus Teams With Jeff Bezos, Can Finally “Watch Who’s Naughty and Who’s Nice”
Due to a global resource shortage, Santa and Bezos are considering employing naughty kids in coal mines.Photo by Maria Dhilla This holiday season, former Amazon CEO Jeff …
Top Ten Cybernetic Enhancements We Put On Our Body
Top Ten Cybernetic Enhancements We Put On Our Body A blue tooth A confident system An iron gut for digesting Canyon Vista food A titanium pinky …
UCSD Gets Railed by Blue Line Extension
Khosla announced the opening of the trolley by reading out of Dr Seuss’ One Line, Two Line, Red Line, Blue Line.Photo by Sharon Roth Over the course …
