Volume 28 Issue 4
Okay, Fine, I Still Haven’t Seen Squid Game
Can you keep a secret? Swear it. Swear on your life. I don’t think I can hide it any longer. It’s been trapped inside of me, …
The War on Lawn Decor Intensifies, Tragedies in Gnome Man’s Land
Mr. and Mrs. Jennings’ front yard is a scene of devastation after the most recent battle in the war on lawn decor. The ensuing skirmish resulted …
Top Ten Activities to Do at 3:12 a.m.
10. Throat shredded cheese9. Queerbait8. Wake up from your 15-hour nap7. Imagine yourself winning an argument6. Learn how to play drums5. Ponder the holes in Lewis’s …
Unrecorded UCSD Lecture Now Considered Lost Media
Unrecorded UCSD Lecture Now Considered Lost Media This past Friday, a small group of students claimed to see a lecture that has no digital recording or …
On-Campus Housing Regresses to Phase Zero
“There’s a COVID detection system for outgoing water, but none for incoming water. Better safe than sorry!” said the Housing Director.Photo by Sharon Roth Yesterday morning, …
UCSD Student Discovers the Last Number
UCSD Student Discovers the Last Number On January 20th, a moderator of the “Class of 2024” Discord server created a new channel titled “Counting,” which was …
Aides Refuse to Reveal Secret to Queen’s Long Life as 70th Year of Rule Approaches
The Church of England will now accept small children as tithe.Photo by Maria Dhilla As Queen Elizabeth II approaches her 70th year of rule, the Commonwealth …
Being A Raccoon is Harder Than You Think
Trust me, I’ve been there. I was once like you: happy and free, eating warm, full meals with my forks and knives. You stupid, stupid students, …
Psych Student Develops Cure for Déjà Vu
Rats treated with Don’tjà Vu were eight times more likely to double-check that the stove was off before leaving the cage.Photo by Robin Brewin Last month, Don’tjà …
