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Venture Capitalist Invest in Students

Written by: Alberto Ruiz

Following a “depressing” week for the stock market, venture capitalist firm SadeFirm has decided to invest in UC San Diego students. SadeFirm has been scouting campus …

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White House Legalizes “Good” Treason

Written by: Sophie Pubb

On September 20, 2025, President Donald Trump blanket pardoned all participants of the January 6 insurrection and legalized treason in the United States. When asked for …

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Tapioca Express offers limited-edition Kiki drinks

Written by: Claire Cover

On-campus boba shop Tapioca Express recently announced that through the end of Week One, they will be running a limited-time menu of Kiki drinks. The new …

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Local Student Adopts Dorm Woodpecker

Written by: Abby Offenhauser

This summer, Housing, Dining, and Hospitality issued the largest fine in university history to an unnamed Revelle student after the student left over 50 holes in …

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Masc Lesbian Faces Backlash for Outfit Choices

Written by: Cardi ​

Local lesbian Alexander showed up to Eighth College orientation wearing a “green Weezer shirt, yellow khakis, and a fluorescent pink fanny pack” to the horror of …

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BREAKING: Anonymous Does Nothing Again

Written by: Destiney Friday

Last July, Anonymous, a self-identified group of decentralized “hacktivists,” posted a video on all social media platforms condemning the “dirty, rotten, gross, even” state of the …

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Price Center to Open Long-Awaited Sperm Bank

Written by: Ren Wallace

“The future is coming,” said lead designer Elliot D’Amore.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Last week, UC San Diego announced the opening of the Triton Seed Vault — …

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UCSD Introduces ‘Low-Speed, No-Rail’ System

Written by: Cardi ​

“I have yet to see a villain tie someone to the road,” one student commented.Photo by Amit Roth Amid a flurry of UC-wide budget cuts, UC …

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UCSD Announces Hunger Games for Remaining Parking Spot

Written by: Devin Brown and Julian Jackson

“Wait, you guys are in it for the parking spot?”, said one competitor.Photo by Jordan Whitlow Amid Trump’s recent attack on public university budgets, UC San …

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Trump Imposes Tariffs on International Students

Written by: Annelise McCullough

“This term is going to be tariff-ic!” said Trump.Photo by Jordan Whitlow In the wake of enacting tariffs on goods ranging from aluminum to foreign movies, …