News
Billboards in Silicon Valley ‘Go Rogue’
“Is this like a weird porn thing?” asked one concerned driver.Photo by Amit Roth The high-tech industry, quartered in California’s Silicon Valley, continues to apply AI …
Philadelphia Mothers Find Out California Pretty Big, Actually
“I heard California’s sinking into the ocean. That’s not good,” said one concerned mother. Photo by Dylan Schmidt According to a recent press release, the newly …
UCSD Introduces New Remote College
“How do I apply to be an RA for Ninth College?” asked one freak.Photo by Amit Roth and Cole Johnson Chancellor Pradeep Khosla unveiled plans for …
San Diego Police Department Unveils New Crime Stopping Technology
“Scan it! Ssshhhh. Zap it! Zzzz. Detain it! Clank,” said one BOP IT. Photo by Amit Roth In a press conference this past Friday, SDPD Chief …
Zoom Workplace Solves Employee Work-Life Synergy
When asked for comment, many corporate executives were found unresponsive with cameras off.Photo by Justin Xu This October, Zoom Communications, Inc. plans to add “business-forward” tools …
ICE Lowers Education Qualification Requirements
Benefits reportedly include boots for lunch. Photo by Farhad Taporevala On September 12, Vista Logan High School, located in San Diego’s South Bay region, reported its …
Federal Government To Fund UCSD’s Premiere Conversion Therapy Camp
Executives at UC San Diego have begun spearheading initiatives to improve its quality of education. According to a leaked internal memo, one of these initiatives will …
Venture Capitalist Invest in Students
Following a “depressing” week for the stock market, venture capitalist firm SadeFirm has decided to invest in UC San Diego students. SadeFirm has been scouting campus …
White House Legalizes “Good” Treason
On September 20, 2025, President Donald Trump blanket pardoned all participants of the January 6 insurrection and legalized treason in the United States. When asked for …
Tapioca Express offers limited-edition Kiki drinks
On-campus boba shop Tapioca Express recently announced that through the end of Week One, they will be running a limited-time menu of Kiki drinks. The new …
