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Paid Family Leave Bill Passed After Cis Man Impregnated

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Overwhelming majorities in both the House and the Senate passed an amendment to the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 last month, requiring employers to …

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Study Finds Taller Americans at Increased Risk of Hitting Head on Passing Jets

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A study conducted by the American Medical Association, in conjunction with the University of California, San Diego, confirmed that certain individuals who are taller than others, …

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Area Mad Scientist Crowdfunds Affront to God

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Area Mad Scientist Hugo Mounster began using crowdfunding platform GoFundMe to raise money to create life that is “an affront to all the gods of man.” …

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New Standardized Test Implements A Through Z Answer Choices, Fixes Public Education

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Several California school districts adopted a new standardized test aimed at providing more effective determinations of a student’s intelligence and knowledge base. The test encourages divergent …

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UCSD Student Looks Up Freaky Porn On School Wi-Fi Chancellor Khosla Sent to Give Him “The Talk”

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Last Saturday night, a student from Sixth college was caught using ResNet to view pornography that has been described by various sources as “revolting,” “disturbing,” and …

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Satan Declares Rap Superstar Fetty Wap “Not a Real Devil Worshiper”

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The Dark Lord Satan, also known as Beelzebub, announced his disdain towards popular rapper Fetty Wap in a press conference Tuesday. The press conference, held in …

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Nick Jonas Produces “Brokeback Mountain” Remake, Plays All Roles

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After his stunning role as a shirtless, gay MMA Fighter in “Kingdom,” his role as a shirtless, gay frat boy in “Scream Queens,” and as a …

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Developer of “Melted Ice” Releases New Product Line: “Condensed Steam”

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A rising star in the refreshment industry, Pepperson, Co., recently announced the much anticipated release of Condensed Steam (patent pending). Pryce Pepperson, CEO of Pepperson, Co., …

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KKK Adjusts to Social Climate with New Progressive Corporate Policies

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The KKK released their plan to incorporate new progressive policies last week, in an attempt to recruit new liberal members, and gain support in their effort …

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Elon Musk Plans Underwater Mars Colony

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SpaceX CEO Elon Musk recently released an ambitious plan to colonize Mars, finding a way to make his lifelong fetish of living on the Red Planet …