News
Literature Building Scheduled for Demolition: Deemed Definitely Maybe Irrelevant
In a recent press release, UCSD has announced that the Literature Building is scheduled for demolition by 2018, after years of safety concerns. This comes as …
New Study Finds 12 Percent of Millennials
Top sociology researchers at Cornish College for the Arts in Seattle released a study earlier in the week finding approximately 12 percent of millennials in the …
Therapy Fluffies Wait Time Over Four Weeks
Students at UCSD who depend on university resources like therapy dogs for their stress relief are no strangers to long lines and disappointing sessions, but many …
Arizona Teen Announces Readiness to Go “Full Emo” If Stepfather’s Sanctions Continue
Citing “bullshit rules,” and a household being run “like a freaking dictatorship,” 14-year-old Brandon Plank from Scottsdale, Arizona announced that he would consider taking “drastic measures” …
Turkish Comic Jailed for Calling President Erdogan’s Hairline “The Real Migration Crisis”
The comedy club at the Tekirdag prison in Turkey welcomed a new member earlier in the month when local comedian Ersin Ozince was sentenced to twenty …
Scientists Finally Demolish the Greenhouse that Has Been Causing Global Warming
In a sudden reversal, environmental scientists have declared that global warming will in fact stop by the year 2022, thanks to the efforts of the environmental …
Ecological Survey Sheds Light on Uncharted Depths of SIO
Scripps Institute of Oceanography is one of the oldest and most important parts of UCSD. Yet despite the close relationship UCSD shares with Scripps, there is …
Population Embarks on Operant Conditioning of Government
In a new Gallup poll, a majority of Americans have admitted to being part of a large grassroots effort to try to train the government to …
Recess Canceled After Polarizing Mud-Slinging Fight
Vernon Elementary School recess was halted abruptly this Tuesday, and is suspended until further notice, after a series of impassioned outbursts and an extensive mud fight …
Out-of-State Student’s Fish Dies Just in Time for Summer Break
Local betta fish, Jason Sparklefin, was found dead late Monday night at the age of eight months, due to reported malnutrition. His death was confirmed Tuesday …
