Photo by: Jack Yang
In an unexpected trend sweeping the United States, many American couples are redefining the few hours they spend asleep by switching to avocado-filled mattresses. The precise origin of the product has yet to be determined, but the country’s leading mattress manufacturers suggested that they band together to make a “fun twist” on California King sized mattresses. The idea stemmed from the current lack of avocado-filled as mattress sized options. In the past two weeks IKEA, Costco, Macy’s and Walmart stores across the nation have all reported that any shipments containing California King mattresses have only contained the new fruity versions. They have also been experiencing floods of patrons coming in just to try the mattresses without any intention of purchasing one.
“It’s kind of silly,” says Tracy Bates, an IKEA employee. “I thought surely this was just something ridiculous made by some comedy group that the Internet blew up over, but then they asked me to help unload a truckful of them at 3 a.m. that next day! Once we opened, all sorts of people came to flop down on them.”
Other workers across the nation have reported similar feelings of incredulity, saying that they were not sure whether the phenomenon was genuine or a punishment for bringing horrible appetizers to their previous holiday parties.
Store owners are equally confused by the seemingly unreal mattresses.“What I don’t understand,” commented Molly Hughes, a local mattress store owner, “is why these companies fight with each other over prices and customers, but when it comes to a gag like this, they can suddenly all band together. When does that ever happen?”
Still, other store employees say that they welcome the new California Kings. “It’s certainly a nice change from the normal, mundane routine,” shared Alexander Zhang, a Walmart worker. “Besides, now I can make all sorts of stupid avocado jokes! Hey, since the first shipment, our sales have hit guac bottom! Get it?”
Store owners report that the biggest challenge with the new mattresses is theft. Especially in regions where avocados are scarce, it has become common for thieves to slash open a mattress, pour avocados into a personal bag, and run.
“Seriously, if they’re introducing something like this, they’re just asking for it,” commented one thief who requested to remain anonymous. “It must have been a philanthropist’s idea or something, because no sane profit-driven person would OK this.”
Perhaps the group most confused with the avocado mattresses were the avocado farmers. “We all stick pretty close together,” said Bradley Brown, “but nobody has reported a major transaction recently. I wonder if this is all the black market’s doing. Surely it must be.”
Although retailers and farmers alike are nowhere closer to solving the mystery of the mattresses’ origin, the general public seems mostly content. “It’s become a game,” said the anonymous thief. “Figure out which stores have these mattresses and then rush in before they start locking them up or stationing guards around them. Who would’ve known you could have so much fun stealing mattress stuffing? The stores keep resisting us, but any day now they’ll give in and start selling avocado toast throws.”
