December 6, 2023 Time traveling since 2088. Volume XXX Issue III


International Students Camp Out in Gilman Parking Structure Since They Can’t Go Home for Christmas

Written by: Adian Valdez

Pictured: Chestnuts roasting on an open S spot.
Photo by: Adian Valdez

International students at UCSD have started to prepare their stay at Gilman Parking Structure during Winter Break, having no other place to stay during the three week holiday.

“Plane tickets back home are expensive as shit, and my family’s already paying 60 thousand a year for me to be here,” said freshman Cheng Xi. “Going home’s out of the question, and the university kicks us out during the break. Also, we definitely don’t have enough money to get a hotel, so we’re settling for the warm, cozy confines of a block of concrete. Merry Christmas, I guess.”

Camp construction has already gone underway with large portions of the fourth and fifth levels in Gilman being cordoned off. Tents have occupied parking spaces, and small fire pits are awaiting Fall Quarter’s homework. Large piles of instant ramen and boba materials have accumulated, along with stacks of plates and silverware stolen from HDH eateries. CS majors began wiring together an “ad-hoc dungeon” while music students started piecing together cardboard for soundproofing. Some engineering students have even devised a makeshift aqueduct for showering.

“I don’t mind it much,” said freshman Kashev Malviya. “It’s like a little community. We organize games, activities, and events — mainly to distract ourselves from the smell and the sheer boredom. But mostly the smell.”

“Man, I’m glad I’ve got an apartment this year,” said junior Carrie Gyeong. “It gets intense. Especially two years ago when things got really ugly. We had a bit of a ‘Lord of the Flies’ situation happen with the STEM and non-STEM majors. Thank God that theatre kid stumbled across a gaggle of CSOs, I don’t want to think of what would’ve happened if she didn’t.”

Campus administration was reportedly nonchalant about the situation. “Yeah, I’m aware of the whining about the resident halls being closed over Winter Break,” said Chancellor Khosla. “Not my problem, though. Campus is closed and that means we don’t have to care about silly things like ‘having a place to stay’ or ‘general wellness.’ All that matters for the next three weeks are the ragers us faculty are gonna have once the students are gone. Why else would we close the university over Winter Break?”

“Does the administration know? Of course not,” said senior Isak Ekman. “If they did, they’d try to charge us another eight thousand to sleep in trash bags on asphalt and get us to move into worse accommodations like the Sixth res halls to save money. They probably would’ve used the money to build another res hall just to kick us out all over again.”

At press time, campus administration had reportedly changed their approach to the situation. “Wait, there are students squatting in Gilman?” asked Chancellor Khosla, who reportedly began drawing blueprints for a new “North Gilman Learning and Living Community.”

Copy Editor at The MQ

Here lies the bio of a guitar jammin, halo playin, copy editin, ISTJ personality typin member of the MQ. Adian Valdez is not only the lead copy editor of the MQ, he is a deeply committed member of Triton Halo, Muir Musical and his fraternity of which I do not know the name. The MQ urges you to listen to this king’s music on iTunes or Spotify and maybe he will AP style the hell out of your papers.

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