Local
Local Father Completes IKEA Desk, Now a Furniture Crafting Celebrity
Local father and amateur Swede Joshua Nickelson completed “MICKE,” a black desk from IKEA, for his daughter’s college apartment last week. So impressed in his own …
“This Family Has Gone to Shit, Dagnabbit,” Local Grandfather Announces at Family Reunion
At a recent Baker family reunion, local grandfather Charlie Baker recently stated he was “completely fed-up with everyone’s petty buffoonery.” Baker had reportedly set-up the reunion …
Police Continue Extensive Manhunt for Area Woman Who Stole Eight Dollars Worth of Lip Gloss
Local law enforcement is conducting a high-priority search for UCSD student Helena Logan, who was witnessed stealing eight dollars worth of lip gloss from a local …
Graduating Biology Student Pursues Ph.D., Excited to Have Stable Career by Late Fourties
UCSD student Sarah Rosenberg accepted her fate as a graduate student last Sunday during a brief moment of introspection that was squeezed in between finishing an …
Gaping Hole in Area Woman’s Fishnets Threatens to Expand to Her Butt Crack
Last Thursday night, local news vans crowded around the perimeter of Athena Minral’s apartment after a rumor centered on the current structural integrity of her leg-wear. …
Chick-fil-A Launches New Campaign of Human Sacrifice, Profits Remain Unchanged
In what many consumers considered a distasteful choice, Chick-fil-A has recently launched a new campaign: for every 100 chicken sandwiches sold, the company will donate $1 …
Fountain of Youth Revealed to Be Forever 21
The Forever 21 in the La Jolla University Town Center was recently discovered by locals to be the coveted Fountain of Youth. The regional manager, Cheryl …
Local 34-Year-Old Couch Potato Decides To Take Up Snowboarding
Following the 2018 Winter Olympics medal ceremony in which American teenagers Chloe Kim and Red Gerard earned gold medals in snowboarding, average couch potato Eaton McDonald …
Obsessive Anime Fan Claims Waifu as Dependent, Goes Unnoticed by IRS
Recently, a post from Reddit has gone viral in which a man tells the story of how he claimed his “waifu” – Asuna Yuuki from Sword …
March Madness Renamed March Happiness
On February 24th this past year, the National Collegiate Athletic Association renamed its annual basketball tournament “March Happiness” instead of “March Madness” in an attempt to …
