Declan Sullivan


Fountain of Youth Revealed to Be Forever 21

Written by: Declan Sullivan

The Forever 21 in the La Jolla University Town Center was recently discovered by locals to be the coveted Fountain of Youth. The regional manager, Cheryl …


Local Man Positive He Would Find Love If He Stopped Being a Piece of Shit

Written by: Declan Sullivan

San Diego man Joe D. Foster has been searching for love for eight years, and has yet to find “the one.” He told reporters that he …


Massive Earthquake Hits Pangea Parking Structure, New Lots Formed

Written by: Declan Sullivan

At 10:39 p.m. on February 4, UC San Diego suffered a massive earthquake, reaching an 8.2 on the Richter Scale. University officials have stated that although …


New L’oreal Commercial Faces Backlash for Lack of Sex Appeal

Written by: Declan Sullivan

Recently, L’Oreal released its new advertisement, attempting to sell the L’Oreal Active Bonding Mango Scent Anti-Dandruff Maximum Overdrive Hair and Body Wash and Moisturizer. Breaking formula, …