Local Father Completes IKEA Desk, Now a Furniture Crafting Celebrity

Written by: Dan Kaliblotzky

“What they don’t tell you is that you have to assemble the trophy yourself,” Nickelson said.
Photo by: Hannah Lykins

Local father and amateur Swede Joshua Nickelson completed “MICKE,” a black desk from IKEA, for his daughter’s college apartment last week. So impressed in his own work, Nickelson declared himself a Furniture Crafting Expert by starting an Instagram to show off his future work and offer his service to the general public.

“I think @IKEAllingtheGame is a big step for my adult life. When I finished Katie’s desk, I felt a passion for a craft I’d long forgotten about. I’m taken back to my glory days when I executed my art for my bachelor pad. I’ve decided I can’t be tied down by society’s definition of what a ‘job’ is, and now you can call me to ask if that nail matches that picture for only $2.99 until October 1 — $2 off my normal rates. Call now!”

Home furniture crafting experts have praised Nickelson as the new craftsman to watch as he begins his career assembling wooden furniture according to the instructions. “He had a real screwdriver before he even bought the desk!” says Mark Carlton, president of the Fathers Following Furniture Fantasies. “This guy is the real deal. If we had dads like him when we founded FFFF, we definitely would have gotten those jobs at IKEA headquarters. Now my wife shoved me into a Crate and Barrel job and I couldn’t be more unhappy. I think we all need to take a note from Joshua’s lifestyle and get our hands dirty with stylish, affordable Swedish furniture.”

Other members of FFFF have started a following of Nickelson’s work, including a Facebook fan-page named “Fans Favoring Fantastic Furniture,” formed only two days after the creation of @IKEAllingtheGame. Another fan-page was created just yesterday in Fremont, CA, named “Fanatical Friends and Families Finding Functional Furniture Fashionable: Fremont Folk.”

Katie Nickelson, the owner of a brand new MICKE and Joshua Nickelson’s daughter, is not a part of her father’s fanbase: “I mean, he didn’t even make the full desk. I made like half of it and it wasn’t even difficult. Building IKEA furniture doesn’t take a lot of skill, but it took over two-hours because he kept asking me how to read the instructions, saying he ‘doesn’t understand Swedish.’”

After overhearing this, Mr. Nickelson explained, “Hey, I don’t think it’s reasonable for an American to have to learn the Swedish language. The entire writing system is just arrows and humanoid figures building furniture.”

IKEA has taken notice of the new expert in their field. In response to his Instagram success, they have announced the JOSHNIK, a $3 black picture frame. It will be showcased in their “College Crib” showroom, found between the couches and the bookshelves in select locations. The IKEA San Diego description lists it as “a sleek frame to hold any group pic from your Instagram to show you’re #IKEAlling it! Easily built in five to ten minutes, depending on your skill level.”

Since the frame’s release, FFFF members have created crafting tournaments to show furniture crafting dexterity. The most recent tournament boasts a 30-minute completion time, as performed by Brad Fields, a proud father of two sons from Irvine, CA. After his dazzling success, Fields revealed his secret: “I actually used a strategy I saw in a @IKEAllingthegame video to get the pegs in the frame faster. I never would have thought to do it before, but in one video, he took a second to glance at the instructions briefly before throwing them away and saying, ‘Whatever, I can do this.’ It was a risk, but I think it gave me the edge in this race. ”

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Dan Kaliblotzky is a fourth-year at UCSD. He aspires to find a career in soulful heavy metal Phineas and Ferb covers.

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