Volume 25 Issue 1
Local Grandmother Struggles to Give Away the Most Food
San Diego Grandmother Ruth Klein reported difficulty upholding her usual habit of giving plenty of food to the neighborhood youth as trick-or-treaters roamed the neighborhood this …
UC Berkeley Bans “The Great British Baking Show” for “Overly Friendly” Competition
UC Berkeley administration banned the public viewing or endorsement of the BBC television series “The Great British Baking Show” a few weeks into the new fall …
Trump’s New Supreme Court Pick Looks Suspiciously Like Trump with a Fake Mustache
President Trump announced his nominee to fill Justice Kennedy’s Supreme Court vacancy on Monday. Trump’s nomination follows the President’s decision to drop Brett Kavanaugh as the …
21-Year-Old Finally Old Enough to Gamble and Drink His Life Away
UCSD student and official adult Darren Costapolis turned 21 last Monday and celebrated with a party full of legal drinking, gambling, and drugs that only a …
Student Unable to Afford Salt, Uses Chip Dust Instead
With the start of a new academic year, students are publicizing various resolutions. Third-year economics major Antony Brown shared a couple of his in a particularly …
First-Year Student Buys Surfboard, Definitely Ready for College Now
First-year Muir College student Billy Standall decided to purchase a surfboard approximately one-hour after moving-in, in an effort to “properly” prepare himself for his time as …
Top Ten Reasons You Should be Running
1. You saw the Corgi Man out of the corner of your eye
2. You’re about to be the most dangerous game
3. You lost track of the person you were stalking
4. You have the pumped-up kicks and he has a gun
5. You woke up upright on a turned-on treadmill
6. Someone tried flirting with you and you’re terrified of intimacy
7. You heard the ice cream truck’s jingle
8. You just realized the final started an hour ago
9. What else are you going to do, fight the bear?
10. There aren’t enough women in politics
Local Father Completes IKEA Desk, Now a Furniture Crafting Celebrity
Local father and amateur Swede Joshua Nickelson completed “MICKE,” a black desk from IKEA, for his daughter’s college apartment last week. So impressed in his own …
Top Ten Things You Will Have to Do for Yourself Now That You’re Not Living with Your Parents
1. Ask yourself when you will be getting a significant other
2. Learn to cook an egg without burning down your house this time
3. Miss your own soccer games
4. Desperately seek your own approval
5. Catch yourself … you know
6. Find humor in Minion memes
7. Complain about changing the thermostat
8. Neglect calling yourself every day
9. Set your own parental controls on your computer
10. Continue the tradition of starting shit with your aunt
