Chick-fil-A Launches New Campaign of Human Sacrifice, Profits Remain Unchanged

Written by: Hannah Lykins

“Can I get a number three, a small fry, and a large human sacrifice?” asked one Chick-fil-A customer.
Photo by: Jessica Ma

In what many consumers considered a distasteful choice, Chick-fil-A has recently launched a new campaign: for every 100 chicken sandwiches sold, the company will donate $1 to Sodom and Eve, an organization dedicated to “freeing the planet of infertile women.”

“We at Chick-fil-A know that our customers believe in wholesome, all-American values. That’s why we have decided to continue our tradition of giving back by supporting Sodom and Eve, a charity that we think will really revolutionize the country,” said Dan T. Cathy, CEO of Chick-fil-A. “This addition will add to a list of already amazing organizations we support, such as the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, Focus on the Family, and the Salvation Army.”

The Chick-fil-A chain has often been criticized for its support of anti-LGBT and other discriminatory organizations. Sodom and Eve continues along a similar trend as an organization that stands to “achieve a wholesome society through eliminating non-childbearing Americans.” Though controversial, the group garnered support from Chick-fil-A whose mission statement reads: “We stand for traditional Christian values, populating America with God’s children, and good chicken.”

The decision to partner with Sodom and Eve has accumulated criticism from many consumers who claimed that “delicious meat isn’t worth the murder.” However, long-time customers of the chain have not let the decision stop their purchasing habits.

“Honestly, I just like their chicken too much to stop going,” said Donovan Fronte, a local supporter of the restaurant. “I’m not sexist or homophobic or anything, so I definitely don’t support those weird groups. But then I realized: I’m a cis straight man, so this doesn’t really affect me. Even though Chick-fil-A supports killing women, I still can’t make myself care. Maybe if they were taking away my guns or my dipping sauces … ”

Other customers supported the campaign, citing the company’s adherence to “wholesome values.” As of Monday, small groups of customers have taken to standing outside of their city’s restaurants, advocating for the campaign.

“I, for one, endorse this new campaign, and I’m glad that there’s at least one company I can count on to support my viewpoints. I honestly don’t care about their food, but I’ll keep paying money to stick it to those overly-sensitive snowflakes. Also, I’m pretty sure those women deserved to die — women are just here to be mothers, and they aren’t doing that. And that’s just un-American,” said Tom Maginer, a frequent customer rallying in front of his local store.

In spite of a mixed response, Chick-fil-A has already begun planning their next campaign: for every 50 frozen lemonades purchased, the company will sponsor the euthanasia of one dog or cat in a shelter.

“Alright, now they’ve crossed a line. Gay people, whatever. Women, who cares. But cute puppies and kitties? That’s just too far,” said one former Chick-fil-A customer. “I like to consider myself a real animal lover.”

Managing Editor at The MQ

Hannah Lykins is a fourth-year student at UCSD.

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