Volume 24
HDH Replaces Dining Hall Meals With Dog Food, Students Deem It an Improvement
Last Friday night, HDH announced via email that it will change all dining hall food options to dog food varieties starting Fall Quarter 2018, citing student …
Professors Prepare To Return to Void for Summer
UC San Diego professors prepare to return to the void as the Spring 2018 quarter draws to a close. Professors who aren’t teaching during the Summer …
Sun Given a One-Star Yelp Review by NASA Astronomers
Once thought to be the hottest spot in the Solar System, the Sun recently received a shockingly low one-star Yelp review from NASA astronomers. Their reasoning …
ICE Raids Funeral, Asks Deceased for Identification
A new border security policy has gone into effect nationwide, as Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents conduct searches of the funerals of deceased immigrants believed …
Police Continue Extensive Manhunt for Area Woman Who Stole Eight Dollars Worth of Lip Gloss
Local law enforcement is conducting a high-priority search for UCSD student Helena Logan, who was witnessed stealing eight dollars worth of lip gloss from a local …
Graduating Biology Student Pursues Ph.D., Excited to Have Stable Career by Late Fourties
UCSD student Sarah Rosenberg accepted her fate as a graduate student last Sunday during a brief moment of introspection that was squeezed in between finishing an …
The United States Imposes Sanctions on the United States
President Trump announced Tuesday that the United States would impose economic sanctions on the United States. These sanctions are the latest in an ongoing trade war …
Local Student Avoids Rent by Barricading Himself in North America Hall
In a last-ditch effort to save money, ERC student Arin Jackson barricaded himself in North America Hall late last night. Though initially dismissed as a practical …
Secretary of the Interior’s Attempts To Shrink Yellowstone Thwarted by Bear Cub
After two weeks of conversing with petroleum companies, conservationists, legal authorities, President Trump, and his own wife, Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke finally got the …
